


Feelings Are Fatal

by readingandwritingsolo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Jedi Academy (Star Wars), Established Friendship, F/M, Falling In Love, Female Friendship, First Love, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Love, Major Original Character(s), Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Original Male Character(s) - Freeform, POV Alternating, POV Multiple, POV Original Character, POV Third Person, Platonic Relationships, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Pre-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pre-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Soft Ben Solo, True Love, Young Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 22,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21809845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readingandwritingsolo/pseuds/readingandwritingsolo
Summary: Aurora was the only person that understood Ben Solo. She was always there for him, the only person that he could ever trust. That was why it was a struggle for him to hold this big of a secret when he realized he started to view her as more than a friend. He hoped that it would never get out, but things never go the way you hope does it? After all, feelings always end up being fatal.
Relationships: Ben Solo & Reader, Ben Solo & You, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren & Reader, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren & You, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/Original Female Character(s), Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren & Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	1. Feelings Are Fatal

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Rise of Skywalker week everybody. In honor of it coming out on Friday, I have put together a new story. I listened to music while working on the future drafts of this so chapter titles will be either song lyrics or titles, lyrics will be at the beginning of each chapter.

_Keepin' my feelings hidden_   
_There is no ease_   
_I need it to stop_   
_And I want to be able_   
_To open up but_   
_My feelings are fatal_

_-feelings are fatal by mxmtoon_

* * *

The two girls charged up to each other with their training staff in hand. They flipped each end of them side to side, the wooden sticks being knocked together as each defended themselves against the other. The brunette pushed her friend away with a grunt. The younger girl ran up to the other, trying to swipe which only sent the other sliding on her knees underneath.

She spun around on one knee and looked up at her. “You tired yet, Bellatrix?” 

The brunette tried to catch her breath. “Not even close, Lanmarr,” she replied, running towards her friend. 

Aurora Bellatrix and Jane Lanmarr were two of the best female students under Luke Skywalker in this new generation of Jedi. They were two of the strongest ones, constantly being put up against some of the boys and beating them almost everytime.

Just as Jane turned, her staff got pulled out of her hand and into Aurora’s. She stood there with a cocky smile on her face and spun it around. “Now you’re just cheating,” Jane said.

“Yeah, but it made me win, didn’t it?” Aurora asked, walking up to Jane and tossed the staff back to her.

Jane laid her long braid across her shoulder. “I swear, I wish I was Force sensitive sometimes.” 

Aurora chuckled and handed the staff back to her. “Come on, we have to go. The boys will wonder where we are.” 

“Where else would they think we are?” Aurora fully laughed as they started walking. 

Aurora was nineteen years old and had been at the Academy for only a short while but it would seem like she had been there for years. Jane was twenty one and had been training for three years, growing very close to Aurora once she arrived.

The girl was fifteen when her parents died under a fight as part of the Resistance, General Leia Organa assured the girl that it was an honorable death and that she wasn’t alone. She had her and her son to be with her and watch over her. Aurora and Ben Solo became close friends, Aurora was the only person Ben really trusted with anything on his mind. He never felt judged while talking to her, he felt safe with her. That’s all he ever wanted and she gave him that. 

“Hey,” Aurora said softly to her friend, hitting Jane’s arm with her own. She nodded towards the boy with his back turned, Jane grinned and held her hand out, stopping her friend as the older girl continued walking carefully.

Once she got close enough, Jane launched herself on the boys back. He was quick to react by grabbing her wrist and ready to twist but she started to speak before he could hurt her. “It’s me! It’s me!” 

He let out a breath and let her wrist go, turning around to face her. “Jane, what the hell?” he asked, making her laugh along with Aurora who stood a few feet away.

“Kai,” Jane slung her arm over his shoulder, “I only do it because you’re one of my very best friends and I know you won’t hurt me.”

“Sneak up on me and I will hurt you,” he threatened and Aurora approached them. “How’d you guys do today?”

“Great,” Aurora said. “I won.”

“Only because she’s a cheater and using the Force,” Jane said.

Kai tsked and shrugged Jane’s arm off. “Aurora. Come on.” 

“I will use it to my advantage if I can. I just need to fight with someone who is also Force-sensitive that way it will definitely be a fair fight.” 

“Then Ben can be your sparring partner from now on,” Jane said.

Aurora laughed. “Speaking of, where is he?” 

Kai shrugged. “Only you know where he always is.” 

“I think I might know where,” Aurora said a goodbye to her friends and went off to the hideout that the two had found not long after arriving on the island. There were moments where Aurora and Ben just had to step away, either to be by themselves or with each other.

She made the trek up the mountain, using her staff for leverage to help the uphill climb. Sure enough, there on the edge, sat the boy just looking out over into the horizon, clearly in his head. “How come I always know where you disappear to?”

Ben looked over his shoulder at her. “Because you’re the only one who needs to know.” 

She hummed and walked up closer, sitting down next to him. “Jane is saying that I’m cheating with sparring because I took her staff out of her hand via the Force.”

“For her it is unfair.” 

Aurora sighed. “Yeah, but it sure was fun,” she leant her shoulder on his, giggling when he gave a smile. “Are you still good for tonight with Jane and Kai?”

“You mean the secret hideout we’re doing?” he asked.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you want to call it. Answer my question,” she laughed towards the end of her sentence as Ben did too.

“Yes, I’ll be there.”

“Good! Because I need my guy there, it’s not fun if you aren’t there with me.”

He looked at her and she stared back. Ben was three years her senior, putting him at twenty two. He became quite fond of her over the years as they grew closer, becoming best friends. As they got older, he noticed how beautiful she had become. Her deep brown eyes that always drew him in, the bright and contagious smile that she wore, going well with her laugh. They were closer than anyone else on the island. Aurora loved having Jane being that they were of the same sex and it helped out having another girl, but Ben was the one she always turned to for help. 

Aurora looked out over the ocean that seemed to be going on for miles and miles, hair moving in the slight breeze that had picked up. She looked over at Ben who had been staring at her as she looked out at the water. “Okay, what?” she asked. “You’re being weird and staring at me.”

It would have been so easy to come out and tell her how he felt. The struggle he had was on knowing how she felt. It would be easy to find out, using his powers to push into her mind, but she was just as strong as he was and would easily be able to shut him out. He couldn’t do it. He’d rather sit in silent suffering not knowing how she felt towards him. “Nothing,” he said.

She squinted at him. “Mm, alright, if you say so,” she stood up. “Come on, we should go.” 

He followed in suit, walking next to her as they went down the hill. Maybe it would be a reality someday, everything that he thought and dreamt of, but he knew the truth about Aurora and where she came from. A truth that just had to be kept hidden from her. It was for her own safety. 


	2. Three Words, Two Hearts, One Maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Rise of Skywalker day y'all. 42 years later and the saga finally comes to the end. Hope everyone enjoys it, this is going up in honor of Rise coming out today.

* * *

_Three words, two hearts, one maybe_

_Say something before I go crazy now_

_And my tears, your tears, don't faze me_

_Say something before I go crazy now_

_-I Go Crazy, Orla Gartland_

* * *

Aurora was one who impressed Luke as soon as she arrived along with his nephew. She always begged to be critiqued on what she was doing, and how she was doing it. He saw great potential in her as long as she stayed focused. That was the one request his sister gave him, make sure she stayed focused on her training and to make sure she and Ben didn’t get too close. That was the biggest threat.

Leia had seen the way her son looked at Aurora, he had the same look in his eyes that Han used to when he looked at her. There was a possibility of the two ending up together, and that was the worst thing possible considering the fact of Aurora’s secret that not even the girl herself knew about. It was Luke’s job to make sure that Ben and Aurora didn’t get closer than they were, after he heard about what had happened and where she came from, he promised to watch her and make sure that she didn’t grow close to Ben.

Luke would always watch her from afar when she wasn’t in class in order to not make her freeze up from what she was doing, watching the girl move on her own was somewhat different than when she was being watched with her knowledge.

Aurora spun her staff above her head with both of her hands, passing it to her right hand next. She did everything that she had learned, including things that she hadn’t but just felt right. It felt like it was in her blood to be fighting with a bow staff. Something flashed in front of her eyes during a spin she did, sending her to her knees, closing her eyes in the pain.

Ben had been watching as well. He always did. Seeing her face change into determination, whether that be when she was fighting him, other students, or nothing at all, was such a change compared to who she normally was. Everything was great, until it wasn’t. Aurora was suddenly down on the ground, sending Ben into a panic. He was quick to be at her side, getting down on one knee.

“Aurora,” he said, placing a hand on her back. “Are you okay?”

She grabbed onto his arm, still holding onto her staff with the other. “I-I think so,” she shook her head, trying to get the image out. “Yeah, I’m fine. It was strange, I just saw a flash of something.”

“Did you see what it was?”

“No, it was quick. I didn’t have the chance to make out anything I saw,” she blinked her eyes open. “My head hurts.”

“Try to stand.”

Aurora put one end of the staff onto the ground, using it for leverage as he helped her to her feet. “I’ll be okay, I need to keep practicing.”

“No you don’t, you need to go sit down,” he told her firmly. Aurora sent him a look, trying to insist that she was fine but he saw right through it and she knew. “Aurora, don’t fight me on this. You’re done for right now.”

She let out a frustrated sigh but nodded in agreement. Aurora put her arm around his shoulder as he helped her into her hut, Luke watching every single move that they made.

Ben carefully helped Aurora down onto her mat. The girl crossed her legs, leaning forward, her back becoming hunched over as she closed her eyes. He sat down in front of her, copying her position and placed his hand on her knee. A casual thing that they often did to the other. “I’m so confused on what happened,” she said, almost panting. “It took so much out of me and it was just a flash.”

He had a possible idea of what it could be, but he wouldn’t dare tell her. At least not tell her in full detail. He could get away with that at least. “It might have just been a memory from when you were younger. Do you think it was your parents?”

“It might have been,” she sat up straight, opening her eyes to meet his. “I’m glad you were here,” Aurora girl grabbed the hand that was on her knee, Ben curled his fingers around hers in response. “If you weren’t, I would’ve really been scared.”

“I’ll always be here for you.”

She nodded. “Good. Because it’s going to be impossible to get rid of me.”

Her teasing tone made him crack a slight smile, Aurora giggled in response. Ben made her happy. That was something she always depended on Ben for. To make her happy. 


	3. Two Black Eyes From Loving Too Hard

_You got two black eyes from loving too hard_

_And a black car that matches your blackest soul_

_I wouldn't change ya, oh_

_Wouldn't ever try to make you leave, no_

_-LA Devotee, Panic! at the Disco_

* * *

A training techniques that was often used at the Academy was having the students fight against one another. All of them had somewhat of the same level of experience, some slightly more than others, making it generally an even fight between all. The Master himself would pick the students went up against each other. He normally paired Aurora up with Jane, except this time Luke decided to put Aurora and his nephew together this time to see how things would end up. He was starting to grow concerned. He began to notice things within the boy, things that his sister was worried about, things that she had been deathly afraid of happening. 

“Aurora and Ben,” Cryssil announced. Cryssil was one of the very first students that Luke had. After her training was completed, Luke had made the decision to ask if she wanted to stay and become a Master herself at his Academy which she whole-heartedly accepted. 

The two best friends stepped up, facing each other on opposite ends of the sparring circle, staffs in hand. “Remember, keep it a fair fight. No overpowering the other. Clear?” Aurora and Ben nodded, not taking their eyes off of each other. Cryssil stepped back and put her arms behind her. “Fight.”

Aurora spun her staff around while keeping her eyes on him, raising her eyebrows at him, giving him the signal that she was ready to go. The two ran up to each other, meeting in the center, hitting their training weapons against the others. The loud sound of wood hitting together echoed throughout the place as it became a swift and quick fight between the two. It was obvious since the beginning that Aurora had just as much power as Ben did, maybe even more. Anything that he shot at her, she was able to shoot right back at him. It was a nice challenge for Ben. 

Every student had their eyes glued on the two as they sparred. Everyone couldn’t believe that each were still fighting. If you went up against Ben or Aurora, it wasn’t uncommon if you ended up losing that fight. Some were afraid to face them in a fight, while others were wanting to, insisting that they were stronger and that they could succeed in defeating them. They never did. 

Aurora and Ben were audible in their fight, making exclamations and grunts as they kept hitting their weapons side to side, neither letting up for the other in anyway. Aurora spun around and got down, swiping her leg to hit his. Ben was quick to jump before she could hit his foot to knock him down. As they kept going, it got increasingly intense between the two, both starting pushing harder. In Jane’s eyes, it didn’t seem like it was because Aurora wanted it. It appeared to be as if she had to become more forceful because Ben was the one pushing harder. 

It was the truth. Ben had quickly started to fight more intensely against her. He had never become like this when they sparred alone. Most of their experiences ended up with her laughing, sending him to do the same, but this time was different. This felt wrong. 

“Ben,” Aurora whispered, barely even audible to herself. She didn’t want either of them to get in trouble. 

“Aurora, do you need to step out?” Cryssil asked, making sure that the girl wasn’t struggling. 

Aurora looked at the female Master as she waited for a reply and then at Master Skywalker before back at the boy in front of her. “No, I’m fine,” she replied, twirling her staff in her hand. “Come on, Solo, show me what you’ve got.”

Ben came towards her with almost full force and she fought back with just as much, trying to not be defeated in this battle. Her feet started to move but she wasn’t in control of them moving, he had never had this much power over her, Aurora knew it wasn’t just his own strength. It couldn’t be. It was the Force power he had. He was using it against her to come out of this victorious. She looked at him, into his golden eyes, and knew she had to push back. Aurora saw something that she had never seen before. It was a true determination to defeat her in this training battle. He was acting as if she was part of the dark side and it was his mission to get rid of her.

Aurora inhaled deeply to gain her composer back. She used her own Force strength in order to push him back too, at least she was trying to. Cryssil stepped forward to interject but Luke put his hand out to stop her. He knew the power that they both possessed, he wanted to see how this would end. He wanted to know which side would win in this battle. 

The girl let out a cry of struggle, still continuing to fight him even though she was. Ben pushed with violent force and Jane grew concerned for her friends health. “Ben, what are you doing?!” Jane asked, trying to step closer.

Kai grabbed her arm to stop and pull her back. “Don’t,” he said.

Jane looked at Kai in an enormous amount of disbelief that he would actually stop her from trying to go help. “But he’s gonna hurt her.” 

“It’s Aurora, he would never.” 

That’s what the girl mentioned believed. Until this moment. Aurora was concerned why Ben was pushing her to her last limit, her best friend was pushing her to her last limit. He never did this while they were training together in the past, why this was any different, she didn’t understand.

“Ben, stop, please. You’re gonna hurt me,” Aurora whispered. 

He didn’t listen. 

The power was taking over.

He had to win this.

Ben let go of his staff, holding it in only one hand now and used the Force to shove her down onto her back, Aurora slid on the ground in a result. 

“Aurora!” Jane shouted and that’s what did it. Her name being shouted made him snap out of it all. The need for that power and the need to win left his body, he came back to who he was. Upon seeing her on the ground and him holding his staff in one hand, he realized what he had done. He couldn’t believe it. He could have hurt her. If Jane didn’t say anything, maybe he would have hurt her. 

Seeing her face is what hurt him more than anything. The fear that was there. The fear and the pain of what her best friend had just done. It broke him in two. Just like her trust most likely was. He was sure that she would never trust him again after this.

“Alright, that’s enough!” Cryssil shouted, moving down as Aurora used her staff to help herself up to her feet. “I said it was supposed to be a fair fight!”

Ben could get in trouble for this. That was one of the rules for the fight training, it had to be fair otherwise the student who was using an upper hand would never be allowed to fight with the other students anymore and for Ben Solo to lose that privilege would be the greatest mistake he could make while being here. Aurora couldn’t let him lose any of this. He couldn’t lose his status that he had while being here. She could lose him.

“It was,” Aurora said. Everyone’s heads turned to her. “We, uh, both were using our Force powers, his is just stronger than mine.”

Cryssil looked between the two students, studying their expressions. Ben avoided anyone’s eyes while Aurora looked at her with a strong face. Cryssil looked back at Master Skywalker, asking his opinion on the matter. All he did was nod.

Cryssil’s head came back to the two students. “Okay, if you say so. You two are done. You both were good together. Just need to work on your Force strength, apparently. Kai and Jax, you’re up.”

Ben stepped out of the training circle, keeping eyes on his best friend, and the two boys stepped inside next. Aurora went up to the two Masters, saying a few things to them. Luke nodded as well as giving her a vocal answer, she left, going outside of the training room. Ben got away from the crowd, following where she wen. She wasn’t seen on the cliff outside or in her hut, leaving one place left. Their own secret cliff. Sure enough, there she was, sitting in the usual spot with her legs pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around them to hold them close. 

Aurora didn’t bother looking towards him as she heard the footsteps in the grass. She kept looking out at the water that always calmed her in any situation, it was a peaceful setting and that helped everything. She didn’t even look when he came up closer, sitting down next to her in silence. After a few seconds she finally spoke. 

“Why?”

He didn’t respond. It was as if he didn’t know how to. Like he didn’t have an answer. And usually, Ben had an answer for everything. That’s when her brown eyes met his golden ones. 

“Why did you do that to me? Why would you ever do that to me?”

“I’m sorry, Aurora,” he apologized.

“You scared me, Ben. I thought you were going to hurt me.”

“I would never hurt you.”

“I don’t know if I believe that anymore,” she muttered, looking back out at the horizon. 

In that moment, Ben desperately wanted to come out and tell her how he felt about her. He would never hurt her because he loved her. He couldn’t. That was one of the biggest things he could never do. Jedi don’t form attachments. They don’t have relationships. What he wanted with her would just be impossible. But he wanted it to be possible. If he could have one thing in this world was the chance to love her openly and honestly. But hopes and dreams never happened. Especially his. 

He took her hand in between both of his, which made her look at him. Aurora’s eyes now were glossed over with tears as she tried not to let them fall. That was when he completely understood how badly he had messed up. He was the reason she was like this. It was a horrible feeling. And one he didn’t want to ever experience again.

“Aurora, I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you, you have to trust me when I say that. I didn’t mean for it to happen. Do you still trust me?”

She took a few seconds, searching his face, watching as the boy in front of her just sat there waiting for her answer. She felt so much for him. There was so much love in her heart for him it was quite unbelievable. Ben was the first boy she had ever truly felt like this towards. He always made her laugh and smile, always brought out the best in her both physically and internally. She truly had started to fall for him over the past few months. How could she not? He was kind and loving, an incredible person, and he wasn’t too hard to look at either. If she said no, she would lose him forever. And even though she was scared of what he had done, there was something in her that just made her forget about it. 

Those few seconds felt like hours to Ben. It was the longest pause that he had ever experienced. He was ready. He was ready for her to say no and to go on with her life, leaving them to go separate ways and never return to each other. But then she finally gave her answer which surprised him. 

“I do. Just promise me you won’t hurt or scare me ever again. You’re my best friend. I shouldn’t have to be scared of you.”

“I promise you,” he said, gaining a nod. They both looked back out at the view, Aurora placed her head on his shoulder as they did, their hands staying locked together. Neither of them wanted the other to pull away. This was comfortable. This was peace. 


	4. I Don't Want To, But I Love You

_There's nothing you could do or say_   
_I can't escape the way, I love you_   
_I don't want to, but I love you_

_\- i love you, Billie Eilish_

* * *

Ben made sure to be careful around Aurora for the next few weeks. Hurting her again became a constant fear in his head; she forgave him so easily, and quickly while making him promise not to hurt her again. Him pulling away was the only solution to that. So, he stopped training with her. Although, that wasn’t the only reason why he stopped. Ben’s feelings for Aurora were quickly getting stronger for her, day by day. 

Being close to her was becoming difficult; he knew he was in love with his best friend and that was something he didn't want to do. It was something he wasn’t allowed to do. How could he let himself do this? This was the very thing that he promised himself that would never happen, yet it did. 

Aurora naturally had noticed, it was hard not to. Going from talking to each other every day and never leaving each other’s sides to Ben now avoiding her, it was unusual activity and very obvious. 

“Have you noticed anything strange happening with Ben lately?” Aurora asked, Jane looked up at her in response.

“Not really,” she replied. Jane looked back down, continuing to clean the lightsaber in her lap. “I’m surprised your asking me. You’re his best friend, you know more about him compared to anyone else here. Has he been acting strange towards you?”

“Slightly. He’s just been more...shut off than usual, or what I’m used to anyways, and it seems like he’s been trying to avoid me.”

“You should talk to him and ask if he is or not. He would be honest with you.” 

Aurora nodded with a sigh, knowing Jane was right. It was the right thing to do, but it was just going to be so difficult to do so. Aurora had something flash in front of her eyes at that moment, making her stumble. 

She shut her eyes tight as a vision of a woman appeared in front of her. Every feature of this woman resembled Aurora herself, telling the girl that it had to have been her mother. 

Jane wasn’t sure what happened to her friend. One second she was okay, and the next her eyes were shut tight and it looked as if she was in pain, making Jane grow concerned. 

“Aurora.”

Aurora opened her eyes at her name being said, having to blink a few times in order to regain vision. “Are you okay?”

“Uh, yeah,” she replied. “Just got a bit dizzy, I’ll be alright.”

When Aurora next saw Ben, she gave a smile along with a wave which he would usually reciprocate, but there was nothing. He saw the beautiful smile that the girl showed him, but he didn’t respond, he just looked away. Aurora was frustrated with him He had been her best friend since she was fifteen years old and now he was acting like he never knew who she was, in was infuriating to her. 

“Hey, Aurora.” 

Aurora turned around, seeing Jax approach her. “Hi,” she greeted, putting on her friendly smile that she gave everyone. 

Ben stood back, watching as she talked to the boy. The way she laughed at what he would say and continued to keep that smile on her face, it was revolting. If it was Kai who she was talking to, he wouldn’t mind considering he knew the boy well and there had been no ideas of any romantic feelings towards her at all, but Jax was not a close friend of theirs. 

He moved down closer in order to listen to what they were talking about. It was a wrong thing to do, but he didn’t care. He caught them as Aurora laughed at something Jax had said. 

“That was not how it happened.” 

“That’s how it looked,” Jax smiled while the girl kept giggling. “So, I wanted to ask you something. Do you want to come to the fire with me tonight? As my date.”

Ben was set aflame upon hearing that question. He wanted to take this boy and throw him against a wall, maybe even off the edge of the island, until he remembered that doing such a thing would scare her again. And he promised that he wouldn’t do that anymore. While being stuck in his own thoughts, he didn’t hear her response, now Aurora was standing on her own and he gained the courage to find out what her answer was for himself. 

He approached her, careful not to frighten her, being successful when Aurora looked over at him. “Oh, hi,” she greeted.

“What did he want?” Ben asked abruptly.

Aurora was confused for a few moments until realizing what Ben was talking about. “Jax? Oh, he just asked me if I wanted to go to the fire tonight with him as his date, that’s all. So, um, how have you been? It’s been awhile since we last got the chance to talk.”

“What did you say to him?”

Aurora became upset. She didn’t understand what was going on with her best friend. Weeks had gone by without talking and now this? “Okay, I-I don’t get it. You won’t even look at me for days, maybe even weeks, and now you do and want to know everything? I don’t get it, Ben. Why do you want to know?”

“I’m your friend, that’s why.”

“Well you’re honestly being sort of a horrible friend right now,” she adjusted her sleeves, looking down at them and let out a sigh before looking back at him. “Okay, I gotta go.” 

She turned around to leave, but Ben grabbed her arm to stop her. “Aurora.” 

“Ben, what are you doing?” she asked, looking back at him. He had never grabbed her like this before. The grip was tight, sure that if it was any tighter she would leave here with a bruise. 

“I want you to stay so I can talk to you.”

“Okay but I don’t like you grabbing me like that.” 

That sentence and the look of slight fear on her face made him let her arm go. He put his hand down and she put her arm back to her side. “What do you have to say?”

Ben expected that he would have something to say. But nothing was coming out or even coming to his head. 

No words. 

No thoughts. 

_Nothing._

She was so irritated that he wanted her to stay and talk to him, yet he couldn’t find the words to do that. 

Aurora inhaled and exhaled deeply in order to keep herself calm, putting her hands together. “Look, I just don’t understand. We’ve been best friends since I was fifteen, you’re the only one who made me cope with losing my parents. We talk all the time and then you stop talking to me, you stop even looking at me and it gets me so angry. I love being your friend and you’ve been like family to me, so if you just want to stop being my friend then just tell me,” she took in a shaky breath. “Just be honest. Do you...do you hate me?”

Ben couldn’t believe that she had asked such a thing. He never saw that as any possibility whatsoever, it was a horrible thing to even think about. How could anyone hate this girl? She was easily one of the most likable people that he knew. But, thinking through it in a very short amount of time, it was an easy way out of this current situation. They would separate, she wouldn’t talk to him anymore, he wouldn’t train with her, all contact would be cut off. 

“Yes,” he whispered. 

Her eyes started to fill with tears at his confirmation. Sure, she had asked the question, but she expected a no. It felt like her heart was physically breaking into pieces and dropping down into her stomach. 

“See? Was that so hard?” she sniffled trying to not get overly emotional in front of him. “Then, um, if you hate me, I’ll make it easier for you and just leave,” Aurora turned, walking away and letting the tears run down her face as she went to her hut. 

She was gone. 

Watching her walk away made Ben realize that he had just made the biggest mistake of his life.


	5. You Swore You Were My Friend

_If all the rules were made to bend_

_And you swore you were my friend_

_Now I have to start all over again_

_Cause no one's going to take your place_

_-sad song by Christina Perri_

* * *

“Aurora, I’m so sorry.” 

The girl held the blanket closer to her body as she sat on her mat, Jane sitting on the floor across from her. Jane was the first and only one who the younger girl ran to when Ben admitted that he now hated her, she was completely in tears and the first response that Jane had was to wrap her into a tight hug and take her away into Aurora’s hut. “I just don’t understand,” the redhead said with a shake of her head.

“Me either,” Aurora scoffed and sniffled. “He’s been with me since I was fifteen, he’s the only reason why I even got through my parents dying, I don’t know why he just hates me all of a sudden.” 

“I know,” Jane replied, moving to sit next to her, putting her hand on the girls back and starting to rub. “Well, I know it’s not gonna be the same but I’m here for you at least.” 

“I definitely do need you right now,” she confirmed, placing her head down on her friends shoulder. It was at moments like these that Aurora really appreciated having the older girl with her, they felt more like sisters than friends.

  
The next day was another training session with all of the students. Most liked to arrive early to congregate and talk before they fully started. So when the two girls came in, it wasn’t surprising to see almost all the students there, talking and standing around. 

“Hey,” Kai greeted coming up to the girls and Aurora straight away threw on a smile to pretend that nothing was wrong. That was something that she was good at.

“Hey, are you going to dare to fight me today?” Aurora asked, pretending to throw punches at the boy yet not actually hitting him. 

“No way,” he replied. “You have the Force and I don’t, I’m never gonna try to touch you.” 

“Good, because I’d win everytime,” she teased before leaving, going over to get her staff. The girl saw Ben and the two made eye contact, freezing in their spots. Both seemed to want to say something to each other or hug the other, that was how they usually greeted the other, but Aurora just kept on walking after that pause. 

“Yikes, someone has the cold shoulder,” Kai said as the two watched what had just happened, he looked back at Jane. “What happened?” 

Jane crossed her arms over her stomach. “Ben said that he hates Aurora.” 

“Wait, what?” he asked, utterly thrown off from this news. “That’s impossible.” 

“That’s what I thought but she told me herself,” Jane nodded. 

Kai looked back at the girl they were speaking about, swinging her staff around as she usually did. “There has got to be a different motive behind that,” he shook his head. “They can’t be best friends one day and then hate each other the next, that’s not how it works.” 

Before he could say anything else, Luke and Cryssil came in and the training started but the two older students watched Aurora and Ben, trying to figure out what had happened. Jane noticed how he watched her while training with another student, he had a look on his face that was not the look of someone who hated the person he was looking at. It was a look of what seemed to be pain and hurt, as well as admiration and affection for her. 

She knew that he had to have been lying when he told her that he hated her. Jane decided herself that she was going to be the one to find out what had happened between them. 


	6. With My Heart, You Were Stealing

_Woke up such a bad dream_  
_I stayed, you were leaving_  
_With my heart, you were stealing_  
_I don't care, I'd let you take it_

_\- i don't wanna break, christina perri_

* * *

“What are you doing with Aurora?” 

Hearing the voice surprised him. Ben thought he was alone. He looked over his shoulder at Jane who was behind him. “Nothing,” he replied, turning back around. 

“You’re lying,” she insisted, walking up closer to him. “You and Aurora have been inseparable ever since you got here, and then all of a sudden you say that you hate her? I don’t believe that for one second,” he didn’t respond which is what Jane expected, so she stepped it up. “I’ve seen how you’ve looked at Aurora. I don’t think you hate her, I think it’s the exact opposite.” 

“What does that mean?” he asked. He went back to practicing with his lightsaber, waving and twisting it around. Ben knew where she was starting to go with this, but he wouldn’t say anything yet. Maybe ever. 

“I think you do like her, just more than you’re willing to admit,” she said and he started to swing faster and harder which she noticed. Perhaps if she kept pushing, he would reveal the truth. “I think that it just became harder for you to admit to yourself that you like her,” the buzzing of the weapon got extreme as he now swung with anger building in him. “I think you want to tell her how you really feel but you’re too afraid to do that!” 

The girl then flinched at the sound of the lightsaber hitting the tree next to them, burning off a branch, and it falling at their feet. He was now panting while looking down at the ground, blood still boiling at her pushing. “Ben, tell me now,” Jane said. “How do you really feel about Aurora?” 

“You’re right,” he confessed. “Is that what you wanted to hear?” 

“Yes,” she nodded, getting closer to him which made him look down at her. “You need to go tell her. She is absolutely miserable without you, she misses you so much. You don’t know if she feels the same and even if she doesn’t, if she really values your friendship, she’ll keep being your friend.” 

Everything the girl was saying was correct. She was only a couple of years older than him yet it was as if she was much older and wiser. Jane went back to the younger girl and begged her to go and ask Ben what it was really about, Aurora didn’t want to. She didn’t want to face him after what happened. Jane begged her to go, begging her to trust her, which made Aurora know that it was something serious. 

“Okay,” she started when Aurora came into Ben’s hut, making him turn around to look at her. “Ben, you’ve been lying to me. What is this really about?” 

“I told you, I hate you,” he insisted. 

“No, no, no. You can’t go from being my best friend one day to hating me and not even looking my way the next.” 

“Aurora-” he started, stepping forward. 

“You know what?” she interjected and held up her hands making him stop. “Can you at least tell me why? Because I’ve been trying to think of all the possible reasons why you could hate me and I have absolutely no idea why,” her eyes started to fill with tears as she spoke. At that moment she could tell, just by the feeling inside her veins, that he let his guard down which easily let her push herself into his mind without him even knowing. It was a strange feeling, being able to poke around inside someone’s head, and it was even stranger for the person that it was being done too if there was a real focus. But for Ben, there wasn’t. It might have been because she was trying to be soft with her way inside in order to not get a reaction out of him, or maybe, he did in fact feel it and he didn’t react. 

There she found every answer that she was looking for. And it all made sense. The reason why he told her he hated her, why he was always so close with her, absolutely everything. Her breathing became shaky as she tried to wrap her head around it all, trying not to smile.

“You want to know the reason why I hate you?” he asked. “You are stronger than anyone else I know to where it’s really intimidating. You are the best student here. You’ve always looked out for others to the point where it can be excessive. You’re a show off.” 

“Ben,” she said, taking his wrist. “Take a look,” she held his arm up to her head and let her walls down, letting him inside her thoughts. Everything that he saw was something he couldn’t believe, it was what he had hoped for. He couldn’t believe it. Aurora felt the same way he did, she liked him more than a friend. 

Something took him over, he suddenly had a great deal of courage course through him, that was the only reason why he put his hand on the back of her head and kissed her. Her hands came to his sides as she kissed him back, he removed his hand from her head and placed both on the small of her back while she threw her arms around his neck. They pulled away from the kiss and studied the others face, Aurora couldn’t help but let a smile break through. It was a contagious one because Ben gave one back, a chuckle following it. Things had actually started to go their way for once. And it was pretty unbelievable. 


	7. It's The Risk That I'm Taking

_It's like I've been awakened_   
_Every rule I had you break it_   
_It's the risk that I'm taking_   
_I ain't never gonna shut you out_

_-Halo by Beyonce_

* * *

Ever since Ben and Aurora had their kiss in his hut, they were finding ways around to hide their relationship. The two knew that they would be in an enormous amount of trouble if they were caught, Aurora was now in a relationship with Luke’s prime student and that was a big risk. No one knew how Luke would react but they knew it couldn’t be a good and happy reaction. Ben, of course, knew why he would have such an outrageous reaction, but right now he didn’t care. He was happy with her and to him that’s all that mattered. 

“Are you sure we should be doing this?” Aurora questioned, her head laying on Ben’s lap while they were in their safe space together. The only place that they really could be in a position like this. 

“Yes, I’m sure,” he replied, continuing to run his fingers through her hair that was spread out along his legs. 

“But it’s putting your whole position in jeopardy, I don’t want to be the reason you possibly lose it.” 

“Aurora, I don’t care about that,” he said. “I’ve wanted to be with you since I was eighteen, you are the only one and thing I care about right now,” she smiled up at him at that confession. “As long as we don’t get caught.” 

She laughed, sitting up and turning to face him. “You’re so stupid,” she said affectionately. She leant in, pressing a soft quick kiss to his lips then put her back against the tree, sitting next to him and the two laced their hands together. 

“I wish we could stay, right here. Forever,” he admitted. 

She hummed in response, not looking away from the view. “Yeah, that’s a very nice idea. It sounds amazing.” 

“What if we could make it happen?” Aurora picked her head up and the two looked at each other, her face riddled with confusion. “I’m serious.” 

“Okay, how would we do that though?” she asked. 

“If we left,” he responded. 

“Ben…” she scoffed with a shake of her head. 

“Think about it,” he faced her more, angling his body. “What if we left this place and found somewhere new? Somewhere else where we weren’t known. Where we wouldn’t have to worry about what people would think about us being together.” 

“It’s a wonderful thought but where would we go? You cannot tell me that we would be able to hide. Especially if your mother finds out.” 

“She won’t. Aurora,” he put his hand on her leg, “I just want to be with you and not hide it from everyone.”

“Well. Not everyone, Jane and Kai know,” she reminded and put her free hand up, starting to play with the ends of his hair. “I told Jane and I know that she would tell Kai as she can barely keep things secret.” 

“Not including Jane and Kai then. They know but everyone else doesn’t. Please, Aurora, I’ve only ever been my true self with you,” he reached up and took hold of her hand, grabbing the other one and keeping them together in her lap. 

“Are you saying that you don’t feel like a Jedi? Like how your training to be?” she asked, rubbing the back of his hands with her thumbs. 

He sat back against the tree, still holding onto her hands. “I’m not sure. I don’t know who I am or how I feel, I know how I’m supposed to feel and be but I don’t,” her heart slightly broke at his confession. She hated that he felt confused and lost, she wished she could do something to help. “All I know is how I feel when I’m around you. I just want to be with you, Aurora.” 

Aurora bit her lip while looking at him, his eyes and face were hopeful for her answer almost begging for her to say yes and agree to go with him. But she didn’t know how to respond. It was crazy to leave but everything he was saying sounded good. “Can-can I think it over? Please?” 

“Of course, take as much time as you need,” he nodded and earned himself a kiss from the girl. Little did the two know there was someone watching their every move from far away. 

  
Aurora nearly ran around the island trying to find her friend to tell her what had happened and ask her what she should do. When she finally found her, the two girls went to Jane’s hut and Aurora revealed what she and Ben had talked about. 

“This is just…” Jane trailed off in disbelief. 

“I know,” the younger girl said. “I don’t know what to do, Jane.” 

“Well, what do you really think about running away together?” she asked. 

Aurora sighed. “I mean, it does sound like it would be amazing. We would be able to actually be together and not worry about what anyone would think. What do you think I should do?” 

“I think you should do whatever you think would make you happy,” she replied. “I’m your best friend, all I want is for you to be happy and if running away with Ben means you’ll be happy then do it.” 

Aurora nodded and her friend pulled her into her arms tightly. “I want you to come with us,” Aurora told her, causing the two to pull away in order to look at each other. “You’ve been like a sister to me and I want you to be with me.” 

"How would Ben feel about that though?" she asked. 

“I think that as long as I’d be happy, he’d be happy. Would you come with us if I said yes?” Aurora asked, holding her hands. 

“I’m not going to respond to that because I don’t want to sway your decision,” Jane replied, pulling her hands back, Aurora chuckled. “If you know your answer now, go tell him. If not then just wait until you are sure of how you feel.” 

“Okay,” she sighed. 


	8. My Youth Is Yours

_My youth_

_My youth is yours_

_Run away now and forever more_

_My youth_

_My youth is yours_

_A truth so loud you can't ignore_

_My youth_

_My youth is yours_

_-Youth by Troye Sivan_

* * *

Aurora started to think over running away with Ben over the next couple of days, it started to sound more appealing as time went on, they wanted to be together and it was hard to try to act as friends around the other students. There were other aspects of running that she had to consider as well: how would they escape? Would they take his ship? Most importantly, would they actually be able to pull it off and leave without anyone noticing?

“It’s Aurora, right?” 

The girl spun around to see one of the other female students standing there, whom she had seen around before yet never had the chance to speak to. “Yeah,” Aurora replied with a nod. “Who are you?” 

“Ivy,” she introduced. “You and Ben Solo appear to be quite close.” 

“Yes, that’s no secret. We did come here together after all,” she said, resuming her actions of twirling her lightsaber. 

“Oh okay, so then I’m guessing you two being in a relationship isn’t a secret either,” Ivy said. 

The girl froze in her position at hearing that sentence. Aurora turned off her lightsaber clipping it onto her belt, she then took in a deep breath, preparing herself for what was going to happen then turned to look at Ivy. “How would you know that?” 

“I saw you two kissing the other day,” she replied, crossing her arms over her chest and taking a few steps forward. “Now, I wonder what Master Luke would think about you being with the prime student.” 

“You wouldn’t dare,” Aurora said. She was absolutely terrified of what the girl in front of her was saying, but hoped that it wasn’t showing. There would be many consequences that would come Aurora and Ben’s way if their relationship was revealed, there was even a chance that they could be separated by force, and that wasn’t what she wanted. 

“Oh I would,” Ivy smirked. 

Aurora sighed. “Okay, fine, what do you want? Why are you threatening me with that?” 

Ivy got even closer to the other girl. “Ever since you came around, I have been pushed to the background and no one even knows who I am anymore. I was the strongest female here until you and I want to get rid of you so I can have that title again, and I’ll do everything I can to get it back.” 

That sent Aurora over the edge. She knew that if they stayed around, it would be a horrible experience for both of them and there was no doubt in her mind that Luke’s reaction would be extreme, she had to go tell Ben her final decision. 

  
“Ben.” 

Aurora’s voice pulled the boy out of his focus. He turned his head to look behind him at where she was at, Ben started to pick up on her body language by just the way she stood and it wasn’t good. 

“Can I talk to you in private, please?” he nodded in reply and followed her outside of the temple. Once it was safe enough, with no one being in earshot of the two, Aurora turned with her face full of worry and fear. “Someone else knows.” 

Almost instantly he knew what she was talking about, not only by her sentence but also by the look on her face. “Who is it?” he asked. He didn’t want her to be afraid of being with him and that was beginning to happen, the boy was certain he could put an end to that worry if she revealed to him who it was. 

“That doesn’t matter,” she responded with a shake of her head. He stepped up closer to his girlfriend, she grabbed onto his arms, and his hands came to rest on her hips as a reflex. “Remember what you asked me a few days ago? Well you’ve got my answer. My answer is yes.” 

The way that his face and eyes lit up, made her grin. When Ben Solo was visibly happy, it was quite easy to pick up on especially if they were people who really knew him. “Really?” he asked, gaining a nod from the girl. He scooped her up into his arms, and Aurora’s quickly went to be around his neck, her face going into his shoulder. 

  
“I just want you, Ben,” she whispered. “I just want to be with you.” 

“I just want you too,” he replied. Aurora pulled her face back to look at him, hand coming to the back of his head and eyes falling on his lips which made her want to kiss the boy quite severely at the moment. 

“I really want to kiss you,” she admitted. 

He chuckled. “Come with me,” he said then led her into his hut, the one place they could be alone. Once the couple got inside, their arms wrapped back around each other, and this time their lips came together as well. 

Aurora pulled away slowly and looked at him, their eyes met, and it appeared as if they both had the exact same look. A sparkle. Love. “I told you that I want you, Ben,” she said. “And I want you in more ways than just being alone with you.” 

She took one of his wrists and slid his hand up her side, getting up only a few inches higher than her waist. The message was sent loud and clear to the boy, his eyes widening out of the surprise confession that the girl had suddenly made. “Aurora, we aren’t supposed to,” he said. 

“That hasn’t stopped us before,” she reminded him. “What does The Jedi Code say?” 

“There is no emotion; there is peace, there is no ignorance; there is knowledge, there is no passion, there is serenity, there is no death; there is the Force,” Ben recited. That was something all students had to memorize and remember, becoming permanent in their minds. 

“What else?” she asked, hoping he would say what she was wanting to. It would help her get to her point. 

“It also forbids forming attachments, such as marriage, and other specific, individual bonds, such as family and romantic love,” he said. 

“Exactly. We are not supposed to have any sort of romantic bond, yet here we are. What is one more rule for us to break?” she asked. The girl was worried for a moment as he was quiet, thinking all of it over, until he leant in to kiss her softly. 

Everything seemingly started to flow easily between the couple, the entire time of them being together Ben was asking if she was okay, especially after seeing the expression of slight pain on her face when they fully started being intimate. She assured him that she was all right, only taking a few minutes for her to adjust as well as get used to the new sensation, but once she did, everything was wonderful and the pain was soon replaced with pleasure. 

“Are you okay still?” Ben asked, his arm around her while her head laid on his bare shoulder. 

Aurora chuckled at the concern. “Yes, I’m fine. I’m wonderful and it’s all because of you. You were amazing,” she looked up at him, placing her hand on his face and rubbing his cheek with her thumb. “Thank you.” 

He craned his head down in order to kiss her as well as pulling her closer to his bare body. Ben kept holding her close as he rolled the girl onto her back, he pulled away and looked down at Aurora. “I can’t wait to leave with you.” 

“Me either,” she smiled. In a short time, his facial expression changed as he looked down at her; he would usually look at her with a kind and caring look, but it became a nervous one which wasn’t normal for her to see. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ve hurt things and people, Aurora,” he told her with a slight shake of his head. “It’s what I do. That’s why I started to avoid you when I started to have feelings for you because I didn’t want to hurt you. But this, now, it’s so perfect that it scares me a little.” 

The girl tweaked her head to the side, letting out a sigh and she reached up to place her hand on his cheek; Ben responded by leaning his head into her touch. “You don’t have to worry about anything,” she replied and he turned his head to kiss her palm. “Ben, you could never hurt me. You’ve promised me that you never would. You don’t have to be scared to be with me, okay? I don’t want you to be scared to be with me, just like how you don’t want me to feel the same,” he nodded in understanding and kissed her forehead, laying back down and taking her with him. 

  
Aurora had to have been dreaming, it absolutely must have been a nightmare that she was having. That was the only explanation on how she was seeing her own mother and father, but she didn’t see them like how she remembered, it looked like she was on the outside and watching her younger self with them. The girl heard the shot being fired from a familiar blaster sound, she looked to where it was coming from and saw her mother now on the floor along with her father. Aurora looked back at who had shot it and it wasn’t anyone from the First Order. It was someone from The Resistance. 

Ben only woke up because he was uncomfortable and when his eyes opened, he looked at the girl he was holding from behind and saw that she was in a cold sweat with her breathing was heavy, almost like she was panting; he saw that she was still asleep and knew that she must have been having a nightmare.

He sat up and removed his arms away from her. “Aurora. Aurora,” he repeated, trying to wake her and he touched her arm. “Aurora,” when she didn’t wake by just hearing her name, he decided to shake her as well as say her name louder. “Aurora!” 

That was what made her eyes shoot open, gasping as she sat up quickly. Aurora felt like she couldn’t breathe and she felt so warm, one of Ben’s hands went to her lower back to help support her while the other came up to her cheek. “Are you okay?” he asked, trying to look at her eyes. 

“Um, y-yeah, I think so,” she replied, drowsily. He removed his hand and she looked at him fully, grabbing onto his arm. “What...what happened? Was I screaming or saying anything?” 

“No, you were just sweating. I figured that you were having a nightmare of some kind,” he said. “What was it?” 

“It-” she started, trailing off a bit and she blinked a few times. “It was of my parents but I saw myself. My younger self was there and my parents were killed in front of my eyes. It couldn’t possibly be real because I don’t remember being there when they were killed.” 

It was happening. Aurora was finally seeing what he was afraid of, she was closer to finding out the secret that he had been keeping from her. The boy had no idea how she was going to react to her finding out that he was in fact keeping something from her. He also didn’t know why she was suddenly starting to see visions of her parents, that was the biggest mystery to him. “It might just be your imagination. You’re okay, I promise,” he tried to assure her. 

Aurora nodded, fully believing him like she usually did. There was no need to not trust him. “Okay,” she said and laid back down on her side. He put his arm around her and pulled her closer, placing a kiss to the back of her head and she settled into him being able to go back to sleep peacefully. While Ben stayed awake, his mind running rampid about every possible reaction she could have.


	9. This Could Last

_I know, I know it's too soon, too fast_   
_But this could last_   
_I wanna share your address_   
_I know, I know it, it feels like love_   
_So let's shack up_   
_I wanna share your address_

_-Share Your Address by Ben Platt_

* * *

From that point on, Aurora and Ben would talk about when they would leave and where they would go and most importantly how they would get there. Ben just so happened to have a ship of his own, and the girl knew how much of a skilled pilot he had become. He thought that had finally figured it out until Aurora reminded him that it would become obvious that his ship was missing. 

Everyday they talked about leaving, especially when they snuck into each other's huts to spend time together. The two always made sure everyone was asleep before going to meet in order to be safe that no one would see, even if Aurora had to send Jane to be lookout. The older girl helped them and protected their relationship, particularly after seeing how happy her two friends were together. She had never seen either be as happy as they were now, she knew it was just because they had finally gotten together; there was a huge risk for them becoming romantically involved and a bigger one with Jane knowing of it, but no one could care. She was more concerned with her friends happiness than her reputation and if she stayed here or not. 

The older girl came back into Aurora’s hut after looking around to see any signs of lights or movement from any of the students. “Is it safe?” Aurora asked. 

“Yeah,” she responded. “I didn’t see anyone or any light,” the girl nodded in understanding, getting her things together in order to leave. “I’m glad to see you happy, Aurora. I’ve never seen Ben like this either.” 

“I know,” Aurora smiled, feeling herself go red in the face. “It’s so nice knowing that I’m possibly the cause of that happiness.” 

“You are the cause of it,” Jane confirmed. “He hasn’t smiled like that or laughed like that before and it’s all because of you.” 

The younger girl hummed out of pure joy. “All right, I better get out of here, he’s waiting for me.” 

  
Every now and again Luke would get up and look at the huts where his students were sleeping in order to make sure that everyone was okay. Seeing his nephew outside made him wonder what was wrong, he was about to approach him but stepped back when he saw Aurora come out of her own hut and walk up to him. 

“You know, I think we’re doing a pretty good job at this sneaking around thing,” Aurora smiled, once she got close enough to him. 

“Well considering we have a great look out, it is quite easy,” Ben replied, earning a giggle from the girl as she slowly took his hands. For Luke, it was not a good thing to see. She had never held his hands before. “Do you think we could?” 

Aurora looked in all directions of the place to see if there was anyone around the two of them. Upon seeing that it was empty, she didn’t say anything, instead she just let go of his left hand and led him into his hut. Once they were inside, his lips connected with hers as he backed her up to be pinned between the table and Ben’s body. 

Ben lifted her up and sat her on the top of it, her legs opened and let him in as she reached down to grab onto the hem of his under tunic bunching it up. But what the two didn’t know was that Luke had made his way down to the hut and cautiously looked inside to see what they were doing. Once he had seen the things happening, he backed away from the hut in utter disbelief of what he had just witnessed. He had failed the single thing that his sister asked him to do. If Leia ever found out what had happened, she would be disappointed in him, possibly even upset, he had to correct this somehow. 

  
“Ben! Ben! I have to go!” Aurora whispered loudly with a chuckle. She adjusted her undertunic as it was falling off of her shoulder. “People will see us if I don’t leave now.” 

Ben kept his hold on her hand, not wanting her to leave him quite yet. “You can wake up early enough to go to your hut so you can spend the night with me,” he tried. 

She stopped trying to get away and turned back to look at him, getting close and put her head up to meet his eyes. “It’s not going to happen tonight, I’m sorry,” she said. “We can start spending the night together when we leave, I promise you,” she put her free hand on the side of his neck and gave him a kiss ahead of finally being able to get away to her hut. When she got inside, she leaned against the wall and smiled to herself. She was falling so deeply in love with her best friend and she knew it. 


	10. My Life, My Love, My Drive, It Came From Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is staying safe during this time. Remember to wash your hands and be careful with who you're in contact with.

_First things first_

_I'ma say all the words inside my head_

_I'm fired up and tired of the way that things have been_

_...._

_Last things last_

_By The grace of the fire and the flames_

_You're the face of the future  
_

_The blood in my veins_

_-Believer, by Imagine Dragons_

* * *

As soon as her head laid down, Aurora was out cold. It felt like it had only been a few seconds of her peacefully being asleep until she was awakened by her name being said. “Aurora.”

Her eyes slowly opened, needing to blink a few times to clear up her vision and she was greeted with the face of her boyfriend who was currently crouching down in order to look at her instead of towering over her. “Ben?” she whispered in a sleepy haze and got up on one elbow. “Wh-what’s going on? Why are you here?” 

“We need to go now,” he insisted, trying to get her to stand. He even took hold of her waist to help support her, hoping it would make her stand. 

She reached out and grasped onto his forearm. “Wait, hold on, why? Tell me what happened.” 

“It was Luke,” he started. “He sensed my power and he feared it, he came in and was going to kill me.”

Aurora couldn’t believe it. Their Master, the person that they had grown to trust, the one that was supposed to protect them, was going to kill his prime student. Not just his prime student, his own nephew. “What?” she asked, getting up onto her knees. “That-that couldn’t have happened,” she moved her hand up from his arm to his cheek, he responded by leaning his face into it. “Are you all right?” 

“Yes, I’m fine,” he replied. Ben kissed her palm before taking her wrist to put her hand down, still holding onto it. “I was afraid that you would be hurt next because you are more powerful than I am so I was able to stop him. He’s dead, Aurora. I brought the hut down on him.” 

She couldn’t believe what he had done to Luke. “Ben…” she started. 

“If I didn’t do that, he would have killed you too,” he quickly told her. “We have to leave now.” 

“Um, okay,” she stood up fully, and went to where her outer tunic was. “Have you seen Jane or Kai?” he shook her head at her while she put it on, along with the rest of her gear. “I want them to come with us, they’ve been with us through everything and are our closest friends. They need to.” 

“Hurry and get Jane, I’ll get Kai,” he said, standing up. “Once you get her, go wait for us on my ship,” she nodded and grabbed her lightsaber. He waited for her to come up and then he pulled her close, sliding his hand up her face and gave her a kiss. Aurora grabbed onto his sides as she kissed him back, he pulled his lips away from hers slowly and the two locked eyes. Everything being spoken only through the looks that they gave. 

She gave him a nod, he gave one back, and the two left her hut, going their separate ways. Aurora ran to Jane’s hut, waking her up and explaining everything that Ben had told her. The older girl sat there in disbelief, but she knew that she could believe her best friend more than anyone else. 

  
It seemed much longer than Aurora expected to wait, to the point where she started to worry if the two boys got found out, but soon enough Ben and Kai showed up and got onto the ship with them which made Aurora let out a sigh of relief. “What’s going on?” Jane asked upon seeing how fast the two boys were getting onto the ship with them. 

“Tai, Hennix and Von found out what we were doing,” Ben replied as he sat down at the pilots seat. “If we don’t hurry they’ll come after us,” there wasn’t much of a pause before he started the ship and now they were flying away from the island that they once called home. 

“You can say that again,” Jane said. “They’re already following us.” 

Aurora heard the boy mutter under his breath something that she couldn’t quite make out. Ben quickly turned the ship around, making the three that were standing stumble and hold onto parts of the ship to keep stable. “Ben, what are you doing?” Kai asked but didn’t gain any response.

Once both ships stopped, Ben tightened his grip on the handles and let his fingers press the red buttons, shooting out a large blaster shot at the ship in front of them. Then he surged the ship forward, hitting one of the engines yet didn’t stop flying.

“You have not yet entered a destination, Master, can I calculate a route for you?” Geegee asked. “Perhaps you intend to visit home? It has been some time.” 

Everyone on the ship fell silent at the mention of home. Aurora especially knew how much Ben had to have been missing his home, more specifically his mother. He was always closer to her than his father and loved her more than anyone or anything. Yet, he didn’t say anything about going there. 

“I have the route to Hosnian Prime precalculated. Shall I enter it?” Geegee asked once again. Still, nothing was said. Aurora noticed that he seemed to have been completely zoned out, which only meant that he was in his own head and thoughts. 

“Ben?” she asked, trying to pull him out of it. 

“No. Not Hosnian Prime,” Ben finally responded. “I’m going somewhere else.” 

Aurora came closer to where Ben was sitting, watching the dark sky being only lit up by the stars as they flew through it all. It seemed absolutely impossible that they were getting away, it seemed like a dream, but it wasn’t. This was really happening. Ben looked at his girlfriend when it was safe, being able to tell that her mind was absolutely racing at this point. To be fair, she did have a valid reason for it to be racing after all. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she responded. “It’s just that running away with you, along with our friends. It’s different. New.” 

“Don’t be afraid.” 

She looked down at him. “Who said I was?” she asked in response, bending down. “As long as you’re there to help me and protect me, I will never have to be afraid,” she put her hand on his arm, and her other on his cheek. He gave her a closed lipped smile, and he got a kiss on the top of his head in return. 


	11. Into The Unknown

_What do you want? 'Cause you've been keeping me awake_  
_Are you here to distract me so I make a big mistake?_  
_Or are you someone out there who's a little bit like me?_  
_Who knows deep down I'm not where I'm meant to be?_

_...._

_Are you out there?_  
_Do you know me?_  
_Can you feel me?_  
_Can you show me?_

_-Into The Unknown, Frozen 2 covered by Panic! At The Disco_

* * *

It was such a change already. It had not even been a full day but it was already such a change. The inside of the ship that Ben had led them to was beautiful. It was so green, there were flowers and plants everywhere, some that none had ever seen before, it was truly beautiful.

The three followed Ben who was leading them to someone they had never met but had heard of before, they were always taught never to go to this being. Aurora would be lying if she said she wasn’t frightened by him, she wasn't sure how to take him in. “My boy,” he greeted, arms open wide. “I’m so pleased you came to me.” 

None of them had seen Ben hug anyone other than Aurora, even though it seemed forced; it was as if Ben was afraid of what could happen as well. Once the man had let the boy go, he looked at the rest of them. “And you three, welcome. I am Snoke, there is no need to be afraid.” 

“Is it true what Ben said?” Kai asked. “Will we have freedom here? More than we had at the Jedi Academy?” 

“You can have everything you want,” Snoke replied. “All of you. You can have everything in the entire galaxy. _If_ you choose to stay.” 

Jane, Kai, and Aurora looked between each other to try and see how the other felt. All three of them gave nods, turning their attention back to Snoke once their minds were made up. “We do,” Jane spoke. 

“Excellent. Young Solo and young Bellatrix, stay. Miss Lanmarr and Mister Devray, leave me alone with them. Feel free to go find my guards to help direct you on where to go,” he told them, Jane and Kai followed direction which left the couple there alone. Snoke went down the few steps left and had them follow him in walking. “Do you know who your parents were, Aurora?” 

“Yes,” she replied, keeping as close to Ben as she possibly could. “They were Resistance members, killed in a battle against the Sith years ago.” 

“You have a partial understanding of who you are. Your name is Osena Sanis.” 

The girl shook her head not believing what was just said. Yet, that name. It sounded familiar. “N-No my name is Aurora Bellatrix,” she insisted. 

“You have been seeing visions haven’t you?” he asked. 

“How did you know that?” she asked in response. 

“I know everything. I can show you what you’ve been seeing in full.” 

Aurora gasped at the sudden pressure into her mind and dropped to the floor, causing all of them to stop walking. “Aurora!” Ben exclaimed in a panic. He went down with her and placed his hands on her arm and back. The girl kept her eyes shut tight as the visions that she had been seeing was now being played in front of her in full. 

_“Osena, hurry up,” the woman said, a young Aurora next to her. The woman pulled her over behind a rock and crouched down. “Stay here, alright?”_

_“But mom, I can fight with you guys,” the young Aurora tried._

_“No. Your father and I need you to be safe. You know where to go if we are gone, correct?” she nodded and her mother placed a hand on the side of her daughters face, placing a kiss on her forehead before standing up and igniting her Dualsaber, leaving her daughter behind._

_Her mother should have known better than to ask the girl to stay put. The young teenage girl poked her head around the side and was greeted with the sight of her parents fighting. Then all of a sudden there were blasters pointed at the two adults._

_“No!” the girl screamed. Before she had time to run over to them, they were shot multiple times causing them to fall to the floor immediately. She didn’t care about what would happen to her from this point on, she had no more family left. She ran over to her parents, getting down to look at them as she started crying._

_Leia appeared in front of the girl and looked down at her. She looked up with tears streaming down her face, the woman signaled and the girl was grabbed up from her knees. “No! No! Let me go!” she screamed. They kept a hold onto her as she was dragged onto the ship and forcefully sat in the med bay while still being held. A machine was clicked on and a light was flashed._

Once the light flashed in her vision, Aurora came back to her senses and she was met with Ben’s concerned look along with his warm touch on her. “That-” she started, breathless, “that’s impossible. My memory was wiped? How? Why?” 

“They didn’t want you to know who you really are,” Snoke said. “Osena Sanis, daughter of the most skilled fighters of the Sith Army.” 

Aurora stared at the ground as her head tried to wrap around everything that she had just witnessed and discovered. After she somewhat was able to understand, she looked at Ben. “Did you know?” she asked but he didn’t respond. Just continued to look at her. “Did you know?!” still no answer, he avoided her eyes so she looked up at Snoke. “I trusted them. The Resistance. Leia. I trusted them all.” 

Ben helped her stand on her feet and let go once she was stable. “Now, I want something of you two,” Snoke said. “You are to be betrothed to each other from this point on.” 

Aurora nodded, half in understanding but the other half of just wanting to move on and get out. “May I leave? I need to go sit somewhere,” she explained, earning a nod of approval from Snoke. She looked at her boyfriend and didn’t say anything, she just left. Ben knew he had to go explain to her why he had kept it all a secret but he couldn’t leave now, there would be serious precautions if he did. 

  
It seemed mad to the girl to be betrothed at nineteen, yet when it was someone you’ve been best friends with for a long time, maybe it would be easier. Maybe it would make more sense. Her mind still continued to race, with the sudden news of her betrothal and her real identity being revealed, it was quite a lot to take in all at once. “Are you all right?”

The voice made her look up at her now fiancé, standing in front of her as she stayed seated. Aurora nodded in response letting out a sigh. “Why didn’t you tell me that you knew? I know by that look you gave me that you knew all this time.” 

“I was told not to,” he responded. 

“But you’re my _best_ friend. You’ve told me everything, this would have been a big thing. If you knew that I was part of the Sith and that my name wasn’t Aurora, _you should’ve told me._ ” 

“I thought that you would leave,” he confessed looking down at his feet. “I didn’t want you to leave if you knew the truth.” 

As he revealed the reason behind why he kept it quiet, her face softened to an almost apologetic look. “Ben…” she stood, taking both of his hands as they looked at each other. “I’ll never leave you. I will leave absolutely everything and anything except you. You don’t have to worry about it, I promise,” she got on her toes and kissed him softly. 

“Do you still want me to call you Aurora?” he asked once she pulled away. 

“No,” she said after hesitating slightly. “I want you to call me Osena.” 

He nodded. “I’m going to go find the Knights of Ren, I want you to come with me. You are the best fighter I’ve known.” 

She raised an eyebrow. “After you, you mean?” she asked. 

“Possibly,” he replied, making her giggle in response. 


	12. I Won't Just Conform

_Can't write my story_   
_I'm beyond the archetype_   
_I won't just conform_   
_No matter how you shake my core_   
_..._

_This is no mistake, no accident  
When you think the final nail is in, think again  
Don't be surprised, I will still rise_

- _Rise by Katy Perry_

* * *

The couple went to the planet of Elphrona, both in possession of their weapons. As they walked up, the two were greeted with two large Jedi statues facing each other that were acting like they were guarding the building. 

“I’ve been here before,” Ben said. “Years ago with Luke and Lor San Takka.” 

“Ah, so this is the Jedi Outpost you came back talking about,” she replied. Any adventure that Ben was brought on without his best friend, he would come running back to her and explain what had happened; Elphrona and the Jedi Outpost was just one of many. 

Ben and Osena walked inside, she looked around at the empty shelves that were once filled with Jedi relics and devices. The girl continued to look around slowly as Ben looked down at the ground, seeing the helmet that was thrown on the ground in front of him all those years ago. 

He picked it up and placed it on, the sound of Ren’s voice coming through for both of them to hear. “Hey, kid. Was wondering if we’d ever hear from you again.” 

“I...I need somewhere to go,” Ben said. “Snoke said maybe you would-” 

“Snoke huh?” Ren interrupted. “Yeah, okay. Come to Vanrak in the Mid Rim. We’ll be there for a bit.” And that was the end. Ben pulled the helmet off and looked at the front of it, he let out a slight scoff of a laugh at what had just happened. 

“Ben. Aurora.” 

The two both turned quickly and saw the three Jedi’s who they thought they had escaped from now in front of them. “I’m sorry. This is over,” Tai said. “You have nowhere left to run.” 

  
At one moment, they were on Elphrona and the next they had made it to Varnak in The Mid Rim, now on the search for Ren. “Well, look who it is,” Ren said. “Ben Solo,” the man looked at the girl coming in behind him. “I don’t think we’ve had a chance to meet but from what Snoke has told me, you must be Osena Sanis.”

The man took in their current state of appearance. Their former Jedi robes now torn and ripped in multiple places, a cut on Ben’s cheekbone and Osena had one just below her right eye. “You took your time getting here. Lucky you caught us. We’re leaving soon.” 

“We were held up,” Ben replied and Osena looked down at her feet. 

“Clearly. Looks like something chewed you two up and spit you out.” 

“No. That’s not what happened. It was-” 

“A joke,” Ren interrupted. “It was a joke, kid.”

“Oh, right, of course,” Ben replied. 

“Here. Relax,” Ren pulled his mask off, revealing his face. “The mask’s kind of intense, that’s the point, but you, her and me, maybe we’re gonna be friends. Snoke thinks so, anyway.” 

The Knights then gathered around the three. Osena got closer to her fiancé, the boy putting his arm back for her and she grabbed onto his hand with both of hers in response. “You came looking for The Knights of Ren. Not many do that, and most who do end up regretting it real quick. So what do you want, maybe-friends Ben and Osena?”

“We want to...travel with you,” Ben replied. “To learn. We can be useful. I’m strong in-” 

“The shadow,” Ren finished. “Yeah, I know. I could feel it last time we met, and Snoke told me maybe you’re something special. Lotta maybes, though. Snoke tell you the price? To join up with us? It’s a death, Ben Solo and Osena Sanis. A good death.” 

“He’s killed,” Osena finally spoke. “He killed a Jedi,” she didn’t care if she was brought into The Knights or not. She would always care about what he was doing and where he was, that was her concern. 

“Luke Skywalker? Snoke said maybe you’d say that. He has his doubts, and so do I. Skywalker’s as tough as they come.” 

“Not Luke Skywalker,” Ben responded, side eyeing and looking at the girl gripping his hand. “Someone else.”

“Well,” Ren started as he sat down, The Knights now surrounding him, “this sounds like one hell of a story. I’m sure the boys and I would love to hear it. You want to tell us who you killed, Mr. Ben Solo?” 

Ben closed his eyes for a brief moment, preparing himself for the story that he was about to relive. Osena knew this was going to be difficult for him to tell and for her to hear and relive as well. 

“All right.” 


	13. What Do You Want From Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The italics are flashbacks.

* * *

_What do you want from me?_   
_Why don’t you run from me?_   
_What are you wondering?_   
_What do you know?_   
_Why aren’t you scared of me?_

_...._

_The debt I owe, gotta sell my soul_   
_'Cause I can't say no, no, I can't say no_   
_Then my limbs are frozen, my eyes won't close_   
_And I can't say no, I can't say no_

_-bury a friend, by Billie Eilish_

* * *

“It was on the planet where we first met. Where you fought Luke Skywalker.” 

“How can I forget?” Ren said as the two young ones sat down together. 

“We went back there to see if we could find a path to you and the other Knights, but we were followed somehow,” Ben continued. 

“By three Jedi. Students of Luke Skywalker,” Osena said. 

“Wait...aren’t you two one of Skywalker’s students? At that temple he built?” Ren asked to clarify. 

“Not anymore. And the temple’s gone. Burned. I destroyed it,” Ben said. Osena once more looked down at the floor upon remembering what happened back on the island. “That’s why the other students came after us. To kill me. But instead, I killed-” 

“Now, hold on there,” Ren interrupted once more. “You’re going to tell me about a death. Fine. But how will I know if it’s a good death?” 

“I…” Ben started. 

“Tell me about these people. Tell me who they were…to you.” 

Ben and Osena looked at each other and back at the man. “They were…” Osena started then corrected herself. “ _We_ were...learning.” 

“We all studied together,” Ben said. “Osena and I were first, but they came not long after. Voe, Hennix and Tai.” 

“Keep talking, tell me about them,” Ren insisted. 

“Voe had a hard time accepting her place in the way of things,” he replied, remembering how she used to be while they were younger. “Through our entire time together as students, Voe tried to measure up to me. Lightsabers, meditation, any of the Jedi techniques...she tried to beat me, she couldn’t.” 

“That was her whole problem,” Osena said. “She couldn’t just be herself, she wanted to be Ben, or better than him at least. I think that made her angry, and that made her ashamed. Jedi aren’t supposed to get mad about things.” 

There was a slight pause between the two only for a few moments until Ben spoke once more. “Anyway. That’s Voe.” 

“Hennix was different,” Osena said. “He was funny. Smart too. Voe thought the force was a contest she could win. Hennix thought it was a puzzle. He knew he couldn’t solve it, but I think he’d have been happy to spend his life trying.” 

“All right,” Ren said. “You’ve got brawn, brains...what was the third one? I already forgot his name.” 

“Tai,” Ben simply said. “Tai was Tai.” 

“Cryptic. But I think I have a pretty good picture now. So. Get back to the fight.” 

_“Get out of my head, Tai!” Ben shouted, surging the other forward and through the floor. “Why did you have to follow us here? Just let us go!” Ben jumped up and soared, Osena following in suit._

_“Absolutely not, Solo, Bellatrix. It’s too late for that,” Voe said and jumped as well._

_“Voe, wait!” Hennix called out. “I can’t jump like you do! Don’t go after them by yourself!”_

_“You betrayed the Jedi!” Voe shouted at Ben. “How could you do that to Master Skywalker? To us? You’re a murderer, you support a murderer, and you both must face justice.”_

_The three of them landed on the cliff and Ben instantly pushed Osena behind him to protect her. “You think I’m a murderer, Voe? Is that what you want me to be?” Ben asked. Osena was sure she was the only one who could hear how hurt he was. This was someone that he had grown up with, much like herself, and it had to have hurt to hear that from one of his friends. “Fine.”_

_With that, Ben shoved her off of the cliff using the Force. “Ben!” Osena screamed. That scream of his name, snapped him out of what he had just done._

_“No,” he said. He put his fist together in order to help Voe stay above ground and not land which would kill her within impact. But soon he started to struggle on it. “Can’t...can’t hold.”_

_Osena came next to him and did the same with her fist that he was in order to support her fiancé in his struggle. They both had gotten a hold on her, both just about to bring her up to them when Hennix’s voice appeared behind them. “You killed her! Monster!”_

_The two of them looked over their shoulders to see Hennixs’ Lightsaber flying through the air towards them. Ben stepped in front of Osena and used the Force to send the weapon flying the opposite way. Just then, he saw that Voe continued falling. “No,” he said._

_They both looked when Hennix shouted out in pain, now seeing the lightsaber piercing through him. Osena and Ben both shared the same almost pained look but knew that they had to continue, so they both jumped down the cliff together._

_“Get in the Outpost,” Osena said to the two laying on the ground._

_“Ben, Aurora…” Tai said. “Hennix. What happened to-”_

_“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Ben interrupted and threw the two into the outpost, before sending it down on them. Osena looked away, refusing to look, especially when she could hear their names being shouted from the inside._

“Hmm,” Ren hummed. “What do you think, fellas?” The Knights didn’t speak one word. “I agree. It’s a death, but not a good death. Not good enough.” 

“I killed him. I killed Hennix. A Jedi,” Ben reminded. 

“Yeah. But you didn’t really want it,” Ren placed his helmet back on as he stood. “But Snoke vouched for you, and you’re strong in the shadow, both of you, and that’s not nothing. Let’s spend some time, see if you like us, see if we like you. Maybe you’ll find that good death after all.” 

Ren looked at one of the Knights at his side. “The kids look like trash. An actual pile of garbage. Find them some clothes. I mean...we’re the Knights of Ren. We have a reputation.”

  
Being in an all black outfit was a change. The color represented everything terrible in the universe, and dressing in it went against everything that Ben and Osena had been trained for, yet there she was now standing wearing said color. 

Osena looked at herself in the reflection. She had on a sleeveless black top with robes crossing over her chest on the top, continuing to come down in front of her; a thick belt around her waist and black pants, and black boots that came up to her calves. Black cloth sleeves that started just below her shoulders and stopped on her wrists, and metal forearm cuffs to protect her from blaster shots as well as lightsaber hits. 

She had decided to change her hair as well. Now with four braids in which was done by herself and it was pulled down instead of being up in it’s ponytail like it usually was. To her, she felt like she looked like a completely different person; but she still felt like she was the same. 

Upon finding her fiancé, he looked much different as well. The Jedi robes now long gone, and now he had a holster attached to his leg, his look reminding her much of his father. Everyone always said how much he looked as well as acted like his father, Osena could never see it, but now she could. 

“Well, well, look at you,” Osena said, his attention now went to her and admired her new clothing choice. 

“I can say the same about you,” he replied. 

“Do you like it?” 

Usually opinions didn’t matter to her. She really could care less. But when it came to Ben and his opinion about her, she cared. He came up closer and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, hand landing on her cheek and slowly stroked her skin with his thumb. Osena’s eyes fluttered closed as her fiancé put his head down, pressing his lips against hers; the kiss being soft and sweet, a difference between how the long ones normally were. 

It had not been said between them before but on an unspoken level, they had some knowledge and belief that they loved each other just by how they acted together. Even though they had been in a relationship for only a short while, they had a connection already. Both could feel it. They both had loved each other as best friends and that love grew into romantic even though it was never expressed verbally. Ben and Osena knew how each person felt, and that was enough in their minds. The two parted just as Ren came up to them and took in their new appearances.

“Much better,” he said. “Let’s go find something to burn.” 


	14. Eau De Résistance

_Seems like the whole damn world went and lost its mind_  
_And all my childhood heroes have fallen off or died_

_...._

_Some princes don't become kings_  
_Even at the best of times I'm out of my mind_  
_You only get what you grieve_  
_Are you smelling that shit?_  
_Are you smelling that shit?_  
_Eau de résistance_

_-Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea, by Fall Out Boy_

* * *

“You know, I think I’ll just kill him.” 

Ben and Osena stood there along with the rest of The Knights and their leader. The group had traveled to the Mid Rim, appearing on The Minemoon of Mimban which held multiple kyber crystals that Ben and Osena were just dying to get their hands on. 

“If he won’t give us what we’re looking for, one of the others will,” Ren said. 

“Ren, wait,” Ben interjected. “There could be another way.”

The boy stepped forward and held his hand up to one of the Mimbanese miners heads and pushed into his mind, the miner shouting out in pain. “Stop! You’re killing him!” another miner shouted. 

“No. I’m just...looking through his mind,” Ben replied, Osena didn’t understand what he was doing, she had never seen him do this before. It didn’t take long for Ben to pull out of his head. “I have it. The artifact is three levels down, in a sealed chamber to the southwest. The entrance is marked with a carving of a red snake.” 

“Nice move, kid,” Ren told him. 

“It’s a variation on the Jedi mind trick,” he explained, looking across and directly at his fianceé to explain it to her as well. “Snoke told me about it...but that was the first time I tried it. Wasn’t sure if it would work.” 

“I’m beginning to see why Snoke thought you’d be useful. Something like that could really come in handy. Anyway, thanks to you, we have what we need, which means we can release these fine folks. Boys, if you would be so kind…” 

The couple was surprised when the Knights surged forward with their weapons, killing all of the miners that stood there. They stood in utter shock at the massacre that was happening in front of their eyes. “But, Ren…” Osena said. “You said you would...release them.” 

“I did,” he replied. “Three levels down, chamber with a red snake. Let’s go.” 

The two stood there only for a few more moments before hurrying and catching up with the rest of the group. “You will not take the Mindsplinter. We discovered it in the deep delving centuries ago. It belongs to our people, a priceless relic,” one miner said to them.

“Sounds like all the reasons we will take it, lady,” Ren said. “Get in there with them, mix it up. They’re miners, not fighters. Just chop them all down, then we’ll find the thing and get paid.” 

The Knights jumped down on their orders given to them, yet Ben and Osena stood back and stayed practically frozen. “Don’t tell me you’re scared, kids. Get down there. You’re Jedi-trained. This should be easy for you.” 

“I…” Ben started. 

“You know, Ben Solo, I’m beginning to wonder if you’re everything Snoke said you were. If no one ever made it clear to you, The Knights of Ren _kill people._ Anyone who isn’t us is fair game. And you and your fianceé are running out of time to show me that you both are, in fact, one of us.” 

The young couple looked at each other, trying to come to a mutual conclusion. Osena knew that they had to do this to be part of this group, but part of her conscious told her not to do it. Yet the other part was being drawn to do it. It might be because of the Sith blood that ran through her veins, she had that natural pull towards the dark side however the Jedi training that was instilled in her was telling her not to go and follow it. “I-” she started speaking but was cut off. 

“Ben! Aurora!” 

All three of them looked across and saw Tai and Voe standing there, lightsabers ignited and ready to fight. “Who are they?” Ren asked. 

“The past,” Ben replied. He and Osena grabbed their lightsabers and ignited them the same time Ren jumped down to join his Knights. 

“What now?” Osena asked, keeping her eyes on the two across from them, watching as Tai spoke to the girl next to him. “Do you want me to stay with you?” 

“No,” he replied. “You go for Voe, Tai is mine,” Osena gave a nod and watched as Voe jumped down. Ben went for Tai and Osena jumped down to follow after Voe. 

“So you can leave his side,” Voe said upon seeing her. 

“Oh don’t be so bitter,” Osena replied. Before the two girls could charge for each other, Ren came for a miner and Voe quickly stopped him. 

“No!” she shouted. 

“Voe, right?” Ren asked. “Your buddies Ben and Osena told me about you. The wannabe. I’ve fought actual Jedi before, your Master in fact. Don’t see you being much trouble.” 

“Master Skywalker told me that story,” Voe replied. “Said he sent you all home crying,” after saying that sentence, she kicked Ren's helmet covered face. 

That was when Osena came after the other girl, she turned and started to fight her former friend which was able to let Ren continue what he was originally doing. “Now, Aurora, what would Master Luke say if he saw you doing this?” Voe asked, trying to mess with her head. 

“I’m not Aurora anymore,” Osena corrected. “My name is Osena, the daughter of the most skilled fighters in all of the Sith Army.” 

Voe didn’t believe what she was hearing. She almost put down her lightsaber out of the surprise. “Were you hiding that from everyone this whole time?” Osena swung once more and so did Voe. “Did Ben know?” 

“He knows now. This is the real me, Voe, this is why I’ve always been better than you,” Osena said. That fired the girl up more and she started swinging with force. 

“Kill her!” Ren ordered. “She’s just a blasted child!” 

Voe kicked Osena’s midsection, knocking the wind out of her and sending her down. That gave the other girl leverage to go for the Knights. “You came here to take, to destroy, to kill. You thought no one here could stop you, that you are strong and they are weak. But I am strong.” 

Once Osena was able to catch her breath, everything in her was starting to rage. The Aurora part of her was now completely being pushed deep down inside and the Sith in her that was once repressed, merely out of having no memory of it, was now rising. Ben wasn't there to help defend her and be the partner and protector that he was when it came to her, she had no idea where he was, she had to do all of this herself.

Voe now jumped and kicked a Knight in his helmet. “I was trained by Luke Skywalker,” she said. Before she could land, she was Force grabbed and turned to face the other girl who was holding her there then started to be choked. 

“And so was I,” Osena said, twirling her lightsaber with her free hand. She kept her hold on Voe as she walked. “Except, there’s one thing that I have that you don’t,” she came around to the group of Knights and stood in the middle. “I have the Knights of Ren.” 

Osena dropped her hold on Voe who gasped and coughed. At that moment, she sensed the presence of Ben close to her. There were no sounds of footsteps around to signal that he was close, she looked up to see her fiancé and Ren falling down to the floor. Fear encompassed her entire being at the sight. 

“Ben!” she screamed out in terror. After he heard his name being shouted by the girl, Ben shoved the lightsaber through Ren’s chest which sent a force of electricity throughout the place, knocking everyone off of their feet.

Ben landed on his, immediately coming over to Osena and took her hands to help her to her feet. He put his hand on the side of her face, and she nodded to tell him that she was all right. After knowing that, he turned back to Voe who was moving to grab onto her lightsaber, but he used the Force to grab it away. 

“Ben...you killed him,” Voe said. “You killed The Knights Master, Ren.” 

“Of course I did, I’m a murderer, remember?” Ben said. 

“You’re not a Jedi, Voe,” Osena said, walking up to the two. “And you never will be. There’s no one left to train you.” 

Ben looked at her and held Ren’s lightsaber out to Osena. She looked at him before down at the weapon then took it out of his hand and ignited it after. “No...oh no…” Voe said, realizing what she was about to do. 

“Why do you even want to live?” Ben asked, and with that, Osena thrust the red lightsaber through the other girls chest. She had never imagined herself doing that before, yet here she was, lightsaber in her hand, and Voe laying dead at her feet. 

Osena shut off the lightsaber and tossed it down, landing on Voe’s deceased body. The couple continued to stand there, coming to terms with what had just happened. He took her hand, lacing Osena's fingers with his own as the Knights knelt around them, showing their acceptance of Ben Solo as their new leader. 

  
The group climbed back onto The Night Buzzard, and the two went off on their own. Mainly because Ben stole his fianceé away to be alone together and have a calm moment after what had just happened.

Osena was woken up by a shake, red light, and a shout of pain. She started to feel an ache in the palm of her hand, it was a strange sensation, almost like her hand was burning but that would be impossible. The girl got out of bed quickly, the bed sheets wrapped around her, and she went on the search for him. 

“Ben,” she said, walking up behind him and noticed the blood on his hand. “Oh my god, Ben, what did you do?” she crouched down with him and held both of his hands with one of hers. 

He opened it up which revealed the now red crystals in his hand, it now coming clear as to why her hand was feeling burned. He took the lightsaber on the ground and placed the crystals inside, it ignited and now became red yet was hot in Ben’s hands. He shouted in surprise, letting it drop to the ground with a clang. The two looked at each other and then back down at the lightsaber, he picked it up once again and let out a hum then stood, walking back over to the table. 

She stood as well, continuing to be behind him, watching as he added something else to the lightsaber. Ben ignited it once more, this time being able to fully hold it. “Osena,” he said. 

“Yes?” she asked. 

“Do something for me. Call me Kylo.”


	15. Say That We'll Stay With Each Other

_Suddenly the sunlight_  
_Bright and warm_  
_Suddenly I'm holding the world in my arms_  
_Say that you'll hold me forever_  
_Say that the wind won't change on us_  
_Say that we'll stay with each other_  
_And it will always be like this_

_-All I've Ever Known from Hadestown_

* * *

As the days rolled by, Kylo took his new role as the leader of The Knights of Ren and that meant he could pick and choose who he wanted to be on there as well. He pulled Jane and Kai to be part of it, and they soon started their training to be part of The Knights. 

The two were already exceptionally strong from their training at the Jedi Academy, it was easy for them to pick up any new direction that they were given. The Knights never had a second in command before, but Kylo refused to leave his fiancée out and he didn’t want her to be only a Knight, that was when the position came to the light for The Knights. 

With the new found Sith memories, Osena realized why she enjoyed using her staff so much back at the Jedi Academy. It was a common choice for the Sith to have a Dualsaber, she had used one in her younger years and she didn’t want to let that go. She went to work on making her own, making it red, even though there was the added pain to it, she made it slightly different to other Dualsabers. She gave it the ability to break apart and become two lightsabers if needed, the base fully being silver with red lines going around it. Osena thought her work turned out beautiful. 

  
Jane always figured out where she could find her best friend. A training room. That was usually where Osena was working her Dualsaber around, twisting and twirling it like she had done with her staff only a few months before. 

The younger girl always found herself transferred into some other place while she trained by herself. It seemed as if the whole world around her disappeared and it was only her, focusing on what fighting move would come next. She did a full body spin, twirling her Dualsaber above her head with one hand coming to a stop and putting the handle under her arm, aiming one end down at the mat she was standing on. 

“Very nice,” Jane said, making the girl turn around. She nodded at the weapon. “Your Dualsaber.” 

“Yeah, I like it too,” Osena responded, removing it from underneath her arm. She pulled it apart to show off what she had done, giving each side a twirl before shutting it off. "Is everything going to be okay?"

“Yes, everything is fine, all I wanted to do was ask you something,” the younger girl hooked her Dualsaber back together and clipped it onto her belt. “Are you and Kylo going to get married?” 

That was a question Osena had not yet been asked. She hadn’t put in much thought to the idea of the two actually getting married, sure they were still betrothed, that didn’t change, but there had been no conversation between the couple about when they wanted to put an end to the betrothal and be married. “Well, we are betrothed so I do expect it to happen soon.” 

Osena walked past her friend, going down the hall. Jane quickly picked up into a jog to catch up with the girl. “I was only asking because you haven’t told me about any information on when you plan to get married,” she explained. 

The brunette sighed. “Because I really haven’t put much thought into it,” she admitted as they got into the open elevator, Jane pressed the button for it to take them up, the machine starting right away. “We’re still both young, we have time.” 

“Does Kylo feel that way?” Jane asked, trying to catch her friends eye but she still just stayed looking straight forward. 

Osena tensed up. “He hasn’t mentioned it to me lately, so I just assume,” the truth was: she had no idea how Kylo did feel about getting married. This betrothal was sprung on them, it was an order, not a choice made by them. The elevator doors opened and she stepped out first, walking ahead of her friend, what Jane said to her playing over again in her mind. It hadn’t been a thought in her mind to ask Kylo about when he wanted to get married, she was waiting for him to bring it up. Maybe she should talk to him about it. 

  
Osena waited in their shared bedroom, now only in her pants and undertunic. She was currently sitting on the bed, with the shared holopad in her lap when the door slid open later than she had been expecting. “Well it’s about time you came back,” she teased, smiling and not looking up from the screen. 

Kylo didn’t reply. He normally would have a witty comeback for her to laugh at, but all he did was come over and sit on the open spot on the bed, back facing her. He didn’t want her to see him. The last thing he wanted was for her to worry. But that didn’t stop Osena, she knew something was wrong. She could sense it. “Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked, looking up from the holopad. 

“Nothing,” he responded, pulling the gloves off of his hands and putting them down on the table next to the bed. “You don’t have to worry.” 

That was the wrong thing for him to say. She knew something was definitely wrong with him, just by the sentence and the tone of voice he had. Osena turned the holopad off and put it down, getting on her knees trying to get closer to him. “What’s going on?” she asked, her hand coming out and touching his shoulder but he jerked it away from her quickly. “Kylo. It’s just me, you know you can tell me anything.” 

It took him a few seconds before taking a breath and he turned his face to look at her. Osena’s breathing hitched upon seeing his current appearance. He had dried blood on his face, as well as a bruise. It physically hurt her to see him in a state like this. 

“Oh my…” she whispered, eyes filling with tears at what she was seeing. She moved even closer in order to put her arms around him, he only placed a hand on her back. “Kylo, I’m so sorry. Was this Snoke?” he didn’t respond but that gave her the answer she was searching for. She knew what the answer was before the question even left her mouth. “I wish I would’ve been there.” 

“I don’t,” he said, causing her to lift her head up in order to meet his eyes. “If you were there, he might have done the same to you.” 

Osena sniffled, tears rolling down her cheeks and put her hand on his. “You always think and watch out for me even when I’m not with you,” she said with a shake of her head. 

“I wouldn’t love you if I didn’t,” he replied. She froze. That was the first time the word _love_ was said between the two of them. There was absolutely no hesitation in his voice at all, he was so sure that he loved her, he had been for years, and now she was part of knowing that. The girl let out a small smile and kissed him softly, the kiss being filled with so much love, saying more than they ever possibly could.

“I love you too,” she said once they pulled away. She put her hand down and he now put his hand up on her face to wipe the tears from her skin, making her smile at how soft he was with her. In front of everyone else, this side of him was never seen. She really felt special to be the only person to see this. 

  
“Can I ask you something?” Osena asked, her thumb slowly rubbing at Kylo’s bare side. “When do you want to get married?” 

“It hasn’t been something I’ve thought about,” he replied, letting his fingers run up and down her back. “Have you?” 

“No, I’m only asking because Jane asked me about it today and it got me thinking, that’s all,” she responded. The girl laid back which included laying on his arm that was around her, he got up on his elbow in order to look at her. “I know it was forced upon us but I do want to marry you. We both are just still so young, I feel like we have plenty of time.” 

“I want you to be happy, Osena,” he responded. “If waiting is what makes you happy, then we can.” 

She smiled and reached up, putting her fingers in his hair. “I love you so much,” she whispered then put her arm around his neck, pulling him down to kiss her. The two rolled so he was on her back and she was laying on top of him, now looking down at him fondly. “Promise me something. Promise me you’ll never leave me. No matter what happens.” 

He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. “I promise.” 


	16. This Is The Start Of How It All Ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy May 4th everybody. Figured this would be an appropriate day for this update. Hope everyone is staying safe out there. 
> 
> Kudos and comments would be very much appreciated to see how this is being received.

_And now people talk to me, I'm slipping out of reach now_  
_People talk to me, and all their faces blur_  
_But I got my fingers laced together and I made a little prison_  
_And I'm locking up everyone who ever laid a finger on me_  
_I'm done with it_

_This is the start of how it all ends_  
_They used to shout my name, now they whisper it_  
_I'm speeding up and this is the red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart_

_-Yellow Flicker Beat, by Lorde_

* * *

Days turned into weeks. And those weeks turned into months. The training that Snoke made Kylo face was never ending, and Osena hated watching how he would come back. Everyday he would go into training, insisting that he was fine upon coming home although she knew the truth. She was the only one who would always know the truth. She knew how hard Snoke was being on him and she hated it, but there was nothing she could do. Osena knew that if she were to face the Supreme Leader, that would most likely cost Kylo's life as well as her own. That was the only reason why she continued to stay quiet, suffering in silence watching the boy she loved in pain. 

The Knights of Ren began to get assigned missions, being considered as training for the couple. The next mission was set on the planet named Xeura. A Sith planet hidden on the outskirts of the galaxy, going unnoticed by The Resistance. Arriving on the planet, the two leaders were surrounded by the Knights and Stormtroopers, making sure everyone was protected. As Kylo and Osena walked through the planet, the girl noticed that most of the adults stared at her and whispered; Osena was not able to pick up what they were whispering to each other. Instead of thinking about it too much, she continued to keep her head up high as she walked.

They got through the guards at the palace doors, going down the lengthy hallway that was covered in stained glass letting the sunshine through. Resting against the silver wall were armor stands of past warriors and soldiers. Two sets of the armor sitting next to each other made Osena stop in her tracks as the Knights and Stormtroopers continued on. She walked up to the stands, examining it closer. She ran her fingers over a chest plate, something about the symbol on it seemed familiar to her. 

Kylo was the only one who noticed that his fianceé was missing from his side. He stopped walking, everyone else doing the same. “Wait here,” he commanded and they listened as he backtracked. He found her looking at the armor stands, taking slow strides up to her as not to frighten her. Osena easily recognized the heavy footsteps that approached her from behind, her guard being let down within seconds. 

“I’ve seen these somewhere,” she said, keeping her eyes on the metal. “Both sets seem so familiar to me.” 

“Do you think they were your parents?” he asked. 

“I’m not sure, it is possible,” Osena took the helmet off of the stand, running her thumb over it. “I don’t understand why it would be here.” 

“Snoke did say that they were the most skilled warriors in the Sith Army,” he reminded. She nodded and turned to find him closer to Kylo grabbed the helmet out of her hands, placing it on her head. She looked up at him, smiling. “It suits you.” 

She giggled at the rare silliness that she got to see. Him saying and doing things like this, showing his real side, his _Ben Solo_ side, told her how much he loved her. He always let his walls down around her, simply because Kylo felt at home and at ease with her. She was truly the only one who understood and loved him no matter what or who he became. Osena pulled the piece off of her head, placing it back on the stand. The girl went back to Kylo’s side, hand around his arm as they walked back to their army.

Walking into the Throne Room, they were greeted by the Empress who was sitting there alone next to another throne that was currently unoccupied. The woman studied the face of the girl who was surrounded by the Knights. It had been years since she had seen that face, but it hadn't changed enough to where she was unrecognizable. She looked the same as she did all those years ago when she was just a child. 

“Osena?” 

The girl was quite confused at how the Empress knew her name and who she was. She had only had the name for a few months, word couldn't have traveled around that fast, could it? Osena let go of Kylo's arm and stepped out, despite the feeling of hesitation she had felt coming from him. “Do I know you?” she asked in response. 

“I would hope so,” The Empress replied, getting up from her throne. She went down to face the girl. “I’m Athena Leatus. Your mother, Vera Sanis, was my sister.” 

That name triggered something in Osena. A flood of memories of being with the woman came into her mind. Good and pleasing memories. She remembered everything about her, spending time with her, loving her. “Athena,” Osena said breathlessly, eyes now full with unfallen tears. 

Athena cupped the girls face, in utter and complete disbelief that she was physically standing. “You’re so beautiful,” Athena tucked Osena's hair behind her ear. “You look so much like your mother.”

Osena smiled as the woman removed her hands. “Do you know why we’re here?” she asked. 

“Yes, I am aware. You’re here for the Artifact,” the young girl nodded. “Now knowing that you are part of this, I will give it to you without a fight just please, stay for a few days. Not even a few days, one single night would be alright. I just want to talk to you again.” 

The girl looked back at the Stormtroopers and Knights standing there, mostly to her fiancé. “Could we?” she asked. “Please, she is the only blood family I have left.”

“If you would like, I’m sure we could arrange something,” Kylo replied, a bright smile appearing on the girl's face. 

“How wonderful,” Athena said. “We have plenty of rooms for all of you to stay in. Would you mind having a private moment with me?” Osena nodded and Athena looked at her Sith guards. “Show them all to their rooms upstairs while I talk with Osena.” 

Kylo was not found of the idea of her being without him on this planet. He hadn’t left her alone unless they were on the ship. The thought let worries fill his mind, she was the only one that kept him feeling safe and he was the only one who he trusted. He hated the thought of losing her, which is why he approached her. “You’ll be alright?” he asked, placing a gloved hand on her arm. 

“Yes, I’m sure I’ll be fine,” she replied, putting her hand on his elbow. “I remember her from when I lived here. I can defend myself if something goes wrong,” he looked from her to the woman before leaving with the others and the two females went walking on the balcony in order for Athena to show Osena the city. 

“I was sure that you wouldn’t remember me if I ever saw you again,” Athena said. “Did The Resistance let you keep your memories?” 

“No, I’m afraid not,” Osena sighed. “Otherwise I’m sure I would have found my way here to stay with you. They took any memory I had of being a Sith and made me believe that they saved me from a war, even changed my name to Aurora Bellatrix. I was taken in a Jedi Academy before we escaped, when I joined the First Order the Supreme Leader gave me my memories back.” 

The wind blew past their faces, causing Osena to move some of her hair out of her line of sight. “And was the man that asked you if you were alright, was he already part of the First Order when you joined?” 

“He wasn't. We grew up together and came to the Jedi Academy together as well. His mother is the General of The Resistance.”

Athena pulled them to a stop in her surprise. “That’s Ben Solo? Leia Organa and Han Solo’s son? Well, that is quite the shock.” 

Osena chuckled as they picked up in walking again. “I have loved being with him, he has been my best friend since I was taken by The Resistance. He trusts me and I trust him as well. He puts up a front for everyone except for me, you saw the softer side when he asked if I would be okay. I’m the only one who really gets treated like that.” 

“He seems to really care about you. You’re lucky, Osena.” 

She smiled with a hum. “We’re betrothed as well. Although we aren’t quite sure when we will be getting married.” 

“That’s still wonderful news,” Athena said. The two came to a part of the balcony, seeing further than only the city and being met with the green forest that encased the palace as well as the city. “This planet is absolutely beautiful,” Osena admired, putting her hands on the half wall that was being used as a protection. “It seems like a wonderful place to live. Not at all what people believe a Sith planet to be.” 

“It truly is wonderful,” her aunt agreed with a nod. “Most think of Sith planets and associate it with ones such as Mustafar. All they have to do is come and see our planet to be proven wrong," there was a comfortable moment of silence between the two until Athena spoke once more. “You do know that if you weren’t taken away, you would be the leader of our Sith Army.” 

The young girl's head whipped in the direction of the Empress. “Is that really true?”

Athena looked at her in response. “Well of course. You were the daughter of the best warriors we had; your father was the General, and your mother, Lieutenant General. Since you are their only child, you would have been next in line. You still can be. We no longer have an Army because we had no one qualified to lead, I believe with everything that you are the only one qualified to do so. You do need to understand, my dear, if you want to come back then you may. You are in fact allowed to come back to be where you were meant to.” 

Osena could not believe what she was hearing. She knew that she should embrace the Sith that was in her blood, yet she couldn’t leave the First Order. Her friends were there. Her beloved was there. She couldn’t leave them. But this was her home. The one she would have been raised on if it wasn't for the Resistance taking her away from it. Osena would truly be lying if the thought of becoming General didn't intrigue her. She was conflicted between life's oldest decision: love or power. One thing that many fell into. Could one truly have both? 

After a few seconds of silence, Athena's hand came to rest on her niece's. “Please, give it a thought at least.” 

Their hands looked almost identical. Every line, their skin tone, even the length of their fingers. There was a voice inside of Osena telling her to stay on Xuera, and another one telling her to go and continue with the First Order. She was torn. She didn't know what to do. She knew where she belonged but she knew where she wanted to be. Or at least she thought she knew. 


	17. This Is Gospel

_If you love me let me go_  
_If you love me let me go_  
_'Cause these words are knives and often leave scars_  
_The fear of falling apart_  
_And truth be told, I never was yours_  
_The fear, the fear of falling apart_

_-This Is Gospel, by Panic at the Disco_

* * *

“Wow,” Jane said, letting out an exhale. “That’s really big.” 

Osena nodded. Jane was always someone she could trust with no matter what secret, that became evident from the moment that she told her about the relationship she was forming with Kylo. And now, this was something just as big. Staying here. Running away from the First Order. Becoming General. Not being with the one she loved, the one she was going to marry. This was big news and a big decision. Osena needed someone who was calmer than Kylo. She knew him well and he was sure to have an outragous reaction to this, no matter what her decision may end up being. 

Osena started to pace, arms crossed over her chest. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I'm so torn over this decision, Jane. I really need help.” 

Jane leaned forward from where she sat, placing her elbows on her knees, finger tips together. “Look, speaking as your best friend, I just want what’s best for you and what you think is going to make you happy. I don't want you to come with us once we leave and be miserable, I also don't want you to stay here and be miserable either. It is all your decision.”

“I just don’t know what to tell Kylo. He’s gonna be so mad if I decide to stay.” 

“Can’t he just leave the First Order like we could?” 

Osena shook her head, dropping her arms to her sides. “There's no way,” she looked at Jane. “Snoke wouldn’t let him leave so easily, you don't know _half_ of what he goes through on almost a daily basis. He's Snoke's apprentice for God's sake,” Osena scoffed at the end of her sentence. Her hands came to the back of her neck as she threw it back, eyes closing. She was completely torn and distraught over this, Jane could tell. Her body language told it all. Osena had learned to put on a strong face and persona after joining the First Order, now she was letting all of that down showing how much trust she had in Jane. She and Kylo were the only two people that would always be allowed to see how she really felt about situations. 

“Osena,” Jane said, making said girl look forward as she approached her. Jane pulled Osena's arms down, making her release her own neck and trying to get her to relax a little, “just tell him what your aunt told you. He loves you so much, we all know it, he should understand. And if he could leave, I'm sure he will.” 

“Okay.” 

  
Osena was nervous. No. Nervous was an understatement. She was absolutely terrified. Kylo had a temper, that was a fact that everyone who met him knew and although se knew that he would never physically hurt her in anyway, he was certainly going to yell at her. And him yelling would only fire her up as well, she always fed into anger and now knowing her heritage, she was starting to make connections as to why. 

“How was your day?” 

She looked over at her husband-to-be, pulling off her boots and dropping them to the floor. “Uh, it was fine,” she replied, hands rubbing together out of the nervousness. There's no point in holding off telling him any longer. She inhaled, hoping to gain some bit of courage. “Actually, Athena told me something that I’ve been trying to figure out for the whole day. She said that if I...stayed here then I would take over as General of the Sith Army here on Xuera.” 

“Did you tell her you won’t stay?” 

“No. I told her to give me a day or two to think it over then I would give her an answer.” 

Kylo turned to look at her. He was surprised that her immediate answer was no. “Are you really thinking about staying?”

Osena shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. What I do know is that I want you to stay with me. Would you stay here with me if I chose to not go back to the First Order with everyone?” 

“I can’t,” he said instantly. 

“You can’t or you won’t?” she asked in response. 

“Osena, you know better than anyone else why I can't come with you. You can't stay here.” 

She stood, taking steps forward to get closer to him. “Kylo, don't you understand? This is where I would be if I hadn’t been taken by The Resistance. There’s part of me that believes that I should be here but I want to be with you.” 

That's when he knew what was happening with her. Looking at her eyes, she was still the same Osena that he loved, but he felt what she did. That was still unexplained, but in this moment, he was glad that they had that connection. “You’re torn. You’re torn when you shouldn’t be.” 

Her brows furrowed. “What do you mean?” 

“You made me promise not to leave you, yet here you are trying to do that,” she had forgotten their conversation that they had months ago until he brought it up again. “Do you truly even love me?”

That question hurt. He was really questioning her love for him. Kylo should've known better than that, at least she thought so. Osena loved him with every inch of her being. She loved him with her whole heart, mind, body, and soul, she was sure that he knew that. Yet given the current situation and circumstances, she understood why he had asked. But it wouldn't eliminate the pain of hearing it 

“Of course I do,” she said. Osena walked up, carefully placing her hands on the sides of his neck, looking into his eyes. “Kylo, I want to be with you but just think about the fact that we don’t have to be under any control if we lived here. I would be General and you could be my second in command, we would be in charge. In charge of our own destiny. Of ourselves. What we do and what other people do. You wouldn't have to deal with Snoke and the absolute hell that he puts you through.” 

Kylo jerked his head out of her hands, quickly losing patience. “That’s not my point. You’re trying to choose between power or love, it’s life’s greatest fight and hardest decision.” 

“It doesn't have to be. I don’t have to decide if you stay with me,” her voice dropped to a whisper as he turned, taking a couple of steps away. “Please, just stay.”

He spun around on his heels. “I can’t leave, Osena! You know that I can’t!” he snapped. 

“Yes you can!” she shouted. 

“You don’t understand! If I stayed here with you, we both would be killed!” 

“At least I would die knowing that the one that I love would be with me!” her eyes filled with tears as she spoke, her heart was breaking with every sentence coming out of his mouth. “Don’t you understand? This is where I belong! I'm a Sith, if I hadn’t been taken by The Resistance then I would still be here! Please, just stay with me. You promised you would,” Osena's voice wavered in the last sentence, struggling to hold herself together. 

“So did you,” he said. There was a moments pause between them after he said that. Osena blinked away the tears, desperately trying not to let them run down her face. “Now, you either come with me or stay here on your own. That is how it has to be.” 

She shook her head. “Don’t make me choose. Please.”

He was on the brink as well, emotions running high as he was standing there looking at the girl he loved as she tried to not break down in tears. He couldn't let himself go, not while she was in this state. It would only make her break more. “You have to. Either you go with me and we live out our lives together or you stay here and become General. You have to choose. Power or love.” 

That was when she let herself break. The tears started to run down her cheeks as she approached him slowly. Her hand found his cheek, letting her thumb graze over his skin. She grew in height by standing on her toes and kissing him gently, pulling away and resting their foreheads together as their eyes closed. 

“I love you. I always will. Don't forget that,” she whispered. 

All of the citizens were called to the palace square by their Queen, all of them unsure of what the new announcement would be. They had no threats made to them in years. Being able to live in peace was a very nice change remembering what it used to be many years ago.

Athena walked out onto the balcony of the palace, gaining everyone's attention. “People of Xeura. As you know, the Knights of Ren and Stormtroopers from The First Order arrived yesterday. I am aware of your concerns and worries and I am here to tell you that there is no need. I have given them what they requested and they will leave without a fight. This is not the only thing that I have left to tell you.” 

The woman looked behind her into the shadows and out stepped Osena getting into the light and next to the woman. “This is Osena Sanis. Daughter of General Qusio and Lieutenant General Vera Sanis. And she will be your new General of the Army of Xuera.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. Thank you for all the kudos on this story, I'm glad people enjoyed it. I would love to start a series based around Osena and Kylo leading into the movies if that's something people would read so please let me know. 
> 
> I just made a Spotify playlist with all of these songs on it and I plan to do the same with a series if that ends up being started. I also have a tumblr that I'm pretty active on and I would love to do character profiles on there to give some visuals if that's interesting at all. Thank you all for reading Feelings Are Fatal, hopefully I'll be back soon. 
> 
> Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3colkXZNFTQfTXw5djRZR5?si=moF6Cc0BSGaZ6nUCRtJqNg  
> Tumblr: https://writingandridingsolo.tumblr.com/


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